btw jsyk apparent contradictions in you are signs of glaring hypocrisy but when i do it theyre adorable idiosyncracies that betray my relaxed and calm attitude to things.
Recently discovered, fully by accident, that the trick to feeling like you have more time in the day is to actually do shit with the time that’s there, which seems fake and wrong and it’s frankly infuriating that it works >:|
There is something I love about watching a cat meander through a room, stopping to investigate every object, every piece of furniture, and then just continuing to wander
I’m not sure what this says about me but I want to share my love of cats
I am very pleased with how many of my new followers are actually into my blog’s content. I feel less like a novelty act and more like a sort of culty, weird-ass social circle of internet weirdos, which is probably not a thing I need more of but at the same time I’m really happy to know there are at least a few people following me because they actually like what I post
You know, when I was a kid, I really looked forward to the advent of the Internet – the Internet was the single most exciting thing that had happened in my life, and I was a fairly early adopter, too; I loved the feel and texture of internet browsers, the idea of loading pages from someplace other than local files, the concept of having a text-based user interface even whendigy difficult
The fact that the Internet involved a lot of information and wasn’t like a video camera in my face, and also involved a lot of “information” I would never want to read later … well, that was pretty great, all in all
And now I’m old, and I don’t have that feeling anymore. Now I just see the information that’s already there and I think “okay,” and I forget the promise of the early days. Which is pretty bad in its own right, I have to admit
people who get super competitive when they have a crush on someone and keep trying to kick their ass at MarioKart or partial differential equations or kick boxing or whatever
how are they supposed to know I’m worth dating if I don’t demonstrate superiority to them in every single axis of performance! surely if I am inferior to them in any measure they will not be interested!
I have an extreme “ah, but what if there is a reason to believe these claims
I’m the kind of nerd who has the endless “constantly analyzing every aspect of the motivations and actions of others” mindset
and I’m finding that the data about the frequency of each of these “deliberate misperceptions” is sitting right before my face
I have a tendency to ignore that stuff because it’s scary and there’s nothing scary about it, but it seems that the dangers of “irrationality” are sitting right there in front of me
I have to remind myself that there are real people with real lives who have real motives and hopes and … I just don’t know
Just watched Manhunter. It was very good! Solid, tightly directed thriller. Quite amusing to see this material done in a highly stylized, baroque way on Hannibal and then in a highly stylized, Miami Vice way here. 7.2/10
Probably won’t watch the Brett Ratner Red Dragon tho. Even I have limits.
Just rewatched Silence of the Lambs. Transphobia aside, you gotta admit Buffalo Bill had good glam rock-adjacent taste. 8.4/10
It’s weird, the transphobia in Silence of the Lambs is the opposite of the transphobia in Psycho.
The moral of Psycho (1960) is “there are two kinds of trans people, and one is serial murderer”.
31 years later, Silence of the Lambs has progressed to “no no, it’s the other kind that are serial murderers”.
Perhaps it’s bad of me but I’d for sure watch a thriller movie about a murderous catgirl polycule.
I am a bad student, and I should stop doing things that make me feel bad.
I am some kind of great genius. I am one of the most productive people in the world. I am the most intelligent person alive. I am unqualified to engage with other human beings or the world in general. I am so bad it makes me want to do things like:
“Explore the subtleties of human emotion, seeking out each one as I would an exhibit in a museum”
“Find a new musical score to listen to on repeat, one that resonates with my own emotional experience”
“Read a book, the latest best seller or bestseller most people are reading, even if it’s one I wouldn’t want to read”
I have been keeping it all inside my head for so long that it’s hard for me to open it up and listen to it. It’s like a concert inside my head. It’s like a state of pure ecstasy. It’s like I’ve discovered that my whole life is one long, uninterrupted conversation with the most important and most complex person in the history of humanity.
I’m just like “wooooo! I am such a genius!”. But I’m aware that this is a kind of “arousal” – this need to engage with the world, this yearning for the thrill of a new experience, or the desire for just a moment of pure, unadulterated joy. I’ve been holding onto the worst and the most mundane and still-in-my-head ideas in my head, and they’re slowly becoming the things that keep me awake at night. It’s scary because they’re still the most important. I don’t want to lose that. I want to take the most important ideas and the most ordinary ideas and make them happen together, in the way that all great literature happens. Discovering that my life’s experience has been one uninterrupted word epic of the most mind-blowing variety would be like discovering that I’m actually narrating some of the “Great Works” of literature that have been already been produced. I’m not going to be able to just let it all hang out anymore. I can see the happy faces of the kids reading “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” and all I can think is “ah, I was good,” which is all I can think, because everything else is too blurry.
![[Description] cartoon of two characters arguing. One character is saying, ` [Text] MY THERAPIST. [newline] WE MUST PERSEVERE! [newline] YES BUT I'M STILL [newline] WHAT ABOUT THE [newline] FEARFUL AND [newline] ANXIOUS? [newline] INCREDULOUS?](/media/cd808ae0e457fadf6e8851d14a71f9d5a0e157f6_8355aa2b96fb.png)
