As the personality change stuff continues to shake out it’s settling into “I’m putting far less pressure on myself and it’s much easier to kick back and relax, also I am at all times aware that the finite amount of my life remaining before I die and cease to exist forevermore is inexorably running down”. It’s a weird dynamic.

Been contemplating my mortality lately but with the anxiety-zeroing I have no fear of death and if I start to worry about physical decay I remind myself that I have direct experience of motor and mental collapse and it’s not really that bad, but the finitude of it all still bugs me – the idea that I might only have as much more life experience ahead of me as I already do behind is devastating, even if the fact that’s because it will be followed by eternal oblivion is just a footnote.