headcanon: Joseph Smith discovered a more efficient means of extracting mana, the LDS Church drew down the reserves of the Burned-Over District and then (with the Azusa Street Revival, Taos mystics, and LA neospiritualists) drained the American Southwest and now is powered mostly by the extensive reserves of the Pacific islands
This sounds like it would be a good story. Develop it.
“story”?
Seriously, though, I’ve had a few universes in my head that might fit into. That pilot I mentioned was for sort of a Xena of the Americas - all the history and mythology mashed together. (Don’t know the native mythologies that well so it mostly would be settler mythologies OF the native mythologies) The migration of African gods with the slaves, the Mormon stories about Jesus in the Americas, the challenge of enlightenment rationalism.
Also since this was 2009 it had zombies (Baron Samedi), pirates (the protagonists) and steampunk elements (Freemasons).
Also I’ve had ideas for stories of the Wandering Jew, who’s actually a North African tribesman whose beloved was sacrificed to a river god, rebelled, and made it his mission to kill all gods, complicated by the fact that by now he essentially is the god of toolmaking and humanity. Jahweh’s his great enemy and a lot of the shit that falls on Jews was his devising, to attack God’s power base. He’s the one who gave Hitler the Spear of Destiny for example, because after all he *was* Longinus.
In retrospect Catholicism was this institution that herded me (and wanted to herd EVERYONE) to homeroom once a week to hear stories about this punk kid who told off his elders and ordered everyone around and told them to their faces that they were wrong to care for their families or whether they lived or died tortuously and didn’t stop even when the community turned against him because he knew he was right and if they executed him fine, fuck it he was right and in conclusion he was the perfect person and everyone should discard everything they are to remake themselves after him
I know I’m not the person you tagged, but I can answer this. The short answer is: no. The longer answer is: sort of, but also no. I actually squinted in confusion because I saw the KJV over near the ‘word for word’ portion and I was like ‘what wacko wants to sell the most infamously innaccurate translation of the Bible as one of the most accurate????’
The King James Version is infamously inaccurate because it was specifically designed to be the prettiest and most beautiful translation, not necessarily the most accurate. It has several mistranslations, trended towards archiac language even when it was written, and was compiled using the translations of 47 different authors living in different places who didn’t really consult with each other. It also doesn’t have the advantage of being translated using the Dead Sea Scrolls or modern linguistic translation and interpretation techniques. It is undoubtedly the most beautiful translation of the Bible to ever exist, but it is far from the most accurate. It probably belongs either dead center or in the solid orange rather than way over on the left like it is.
Also, the NRSV (New Revised Standard Version) and the NIV being where they are is practically a crime, since they’re two of the more literally accurate versions and were translated with the specific purpose of being more literal/academic translations. The NIV is a balance between word-for-word and thought-for-thought and should be squarely in the yellow and actually trending more towards green rather than way over in the orange-red like it is.The NRSV is the preferred bible for biblical scholars and is the most commonly used bible in influential publications as it’s currently considered one of the most accurate translations (combining the ‘word-for-word’ and ‘thought-for-thought’ ideologies in a way that provides one of the most satisfying and complete translations). It should also be yellow, though a tiny bit to the right of the NIV.
NSAB is pretty accurate, most of the others I actually went ‘idk, because I’ve never heard of them’. The only ones that are really in popular usage are the King James, NIV, ESV, RSV/NRSV, New American (used basically exclusively by Catholics and Episcopalians), and depending on who you talk to, the New Living Translation.
magicmoonjelly asked: Do you know of any other stories or appearances by Medjed other than in the Book of the Dead? He's pretty obscure so he doesn't pop up in the non-academic mythology books.
All you can find on the internet is all we know about him. He’s extremely obscure and only found in the Book of the Dead (Book of Coming Forth By Day). All that’s written about him is contained within Spell 17 of the Book of the Dead, which mentions, among many other obscure gods like “the great beaky one”, Medjed (meaning “the Smiter” can also mean “to press on” or “to follow”), in the following line:
“I know the name of that Smiter among them, who belongs to the House of Osiris, who shoots with his eye, yet is unseen.”
We have literally nothing else on this god as this is the only time he’s mentioned or seen.
Look at this asshole. He’s gonna slap you. Watch the fuck out.
In 1852, Spear broke all ties with the Universalist church, and instead turned to Spiritualism. He claimed that he was in contact with ‘‘The Association of Electrizers’’, a group of spirits including Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Quincy Adams, and Benjamin Rush, as well as Spear’s namesake John Murray. Evidence indicates he occasionally faked signatures as a way to gain authority from a “guide from the past;” however, these signatures were dated beyond the lifetimes of the deceased.[3] Spear believed that the purpose of this group was to bring new technology to mankind, so that greater levels of personal and spiritual freedom could be achieved.[1] The following year, Spear and a handful of followers retreated to a wooden shed at the top of High Rock hill in Lynn, Massachusetts, where they set to work creating the ‘‘New Motive Power’’, a mechanical Messiah which was intended to herald a new era of Utopia. The New Motive Power was constructed of copper, zinc and magnets, all carefully machined, as well as a dining room table. At the end of nine months, Spear and the ‘‘New Mary’’, an unnamed woman, ritualistically birthed the contraption in an attempt to give it life. Unfortunately for Spear, this failed to have the desired effect, and the machine was later dismantled.
I call dibs on “The Association of Electrizers” and “New Motive Power” as band names.
When you think about it the 30 years war was about whether we could vore Jesus
(youth pastor voice) when you think about it the 30 years war was about whether we could vore Jesus
(youth pastor voice) now I know ya kids and ya krinks nowadays I’m hip I’m cool, to the krinks, and I want you to think, in Protestantism and Protestantism only, can we vore both Jesus’ blood, and his body,
(youth pastor voice) ya know what gets me “horngry”? The thought of voring Jesus'blood, and his body, with my thrussy
(me, the person next to you on a transatlantic flight voice) hey you ever think about how transubstantiation is just vore? Like it’s a religious practice that goes back centuries but it’s straight up a kink now how fucked is that
It is the day of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Peter is standing at
the edge of the crowd on the hill of Calvary. Looking over the crowd, he
sees the Lord, crucified at the top of the hill. The Lord looks at him
and, just barely, Peter can hear the Lord calling his name. “Peter,
Peter, come here!”
Peter pushes through the throng and begins walking up the hill. Soon he
comes near James and John, who say, “Peter, come pray with us!” Peter
responds, “I cannot, my Lord calls to me.”
As he walks further up the hill of Calvary, he meets Mary the mother of
the Lord and Mary Magdalene, who say, “Peter, come pray with us!” Peter
says, “I cannot, my Lord calls to me.”
Soon he sees some centurions. Afraid they might beat him if the mood
takes them, he keeps his head down as he walks past, whispering to
himself, “My Lord calls to me.”
At last he comes to the cross. He looks up and says, “I am here, my
Lord. What is it you wish to say to me?”
And the Lord says, “Peter, I can see your house from here.”
going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half
“And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, 'Nice going, loser.‘”
iconic
whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord
The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous startups in Silicon Valley, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five startups?” // “If I find forty-five there,” God said, “I will not destroy it.”
… The two venture capitalists arrived at Palo Alto in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. … They did go with him and entered his $0.9m one-bedroom home. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without gluten, and they ate. Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of Silicon Valley—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can pitch our startups to them.”
wait a second I just picked up on this - Jesus hadn’t met the disciples yet, so if the story of him as a kid talking back to the temple priests is in the Gospels, does that mean he made a point of telling that story at some point?
or the priests were like woah get a load of that asshole kid, he has fans now
(the usual explanation for this stuff is luke 2:19, if anyone’s curious)
I am curious. What’s that taken to mean?
Mary told the Evangelists aaaaalllll about what a cute kid Jesus was, did I ever tell you about what he said in the temple??? oooh…
Huh so the early bits of the gospels are the Life of Jesus as told by Matthew/Mark/Luke/John as told to them by Mary? Huh, that’s an interesting dynamic and something I’d never thought of - coming from a Catholic background there was all sorts of Marian imagery but not much direct Bible-reading and that authorship angle never came up.
wait a second I just picked up on this - Jesus hadn’t met the disciples yet, so if the story of him as a kid talking back to the temple priests is in the Gospels, does that mean he made a point of telling that story at some point?
neither Jesus or Buddha was trained as a priest or theologian, and they each lived in a time and place where people were trained as priests and theologians
Buddha was in fact a trained theologian according to the stories. Before his enlightenment he spent years being initiated into the various monastic orders of the time and gaining the very highest level of proficiency in their teachings before growing dissatisfied with each one in turn.
As for Jesus he was God so theology would just be the study of himself.
Well fair, when challenged I notice this is me projecting backwards my particularistic sense of what a “priest” or “theologian” or even “training” is, and just how much that depends on institutionalization, that’s worth exploring.
Like, yeah Buddha moved among a circle of sages who knew Vedic texts and pitched their own ideas by reference to them.
And Jesus too showed not only awareness of Hebrew scriptures and priestly practices but of his contemporaries in the local indie spiritual scene - John the Baptist most famously.
I do think of “priest” as fundamentally connected to the notion of “ritual officiant” and of clerical status though, and the fact that both figures made a point of not performing rituals and of not being born or inducted into a priestly class is too big a strike against that
Theology… that’s tougher and now that I think about this I’m not sure I can defend it. It’s like, are people just thinking about the nature of the world doing philosophy? If they’re drawing on something they were taught that wasn’t labeled Philosophy, are they trained philosophers? If you add divinity does it work the same as theology?
Because yeah they hung with gurus, but Life of Brian had a point with the marketplace, if people are people then “independent spiritual figures” covers street preachers or just crazies yelling about God about the same as the street preachers and crazies we have today. Are those guys theologians?
Maybe at the higher end it includes weirdo geniuses who offer cutting insights and critiques about social systems too degraded for them to tolerate and thrive within. I’m one of those guys. I even talk about and critique and reinvent religion sometimes. Am I a theologian? If you took something you read from me and worked it into a worldview would that mean you’d been trained in theology? I don’t see it.
I admit I’m not sure about how to understand transmission of Vedic ideas - even if I’m trying to impose models from my own home culture, there’s precedent for apprenticeship models of professional (in the traditional sense) education - I suppose I would consider someone who started out as a law clerk and then “read for the bar” in the 19th century to have been trained as a lawyer, and the unlettered preachers of American low church Protestantism… well they boast of being untrained, that’s the point.
So I guess Buddha counts as theologically trained but in a tradition neither he nor the theologians who explicate his own tradition preached.
I think the important thing is I think of theologians interpreting a corpus of some sort, texts or stories or traditions, and their basic function as articulating things with that corpus. And of priests as practicing rituals of some sort.
And I guess the point is that’s a thing that was already being done when these guys showed up, a route they could have taken but didn’t in favor of being I guess the role I’d define against “priests” or “theologians” is prophets, who establish the traditions theologians explicate, in the name of whose charisma rituals are conducted.
Because that was kind of the point of that post, to remind my fellow weirdo geniuses (incl. myself) to buck up, the world is young still and they’re really not that far off from the greats. Same as that Machiavelli post.
Was also thinking of pointing out that Karl Marx was an obscure essayist who hung out in the Victorian equivalent of Wikipedia reading and making epistolary blog posts when he wasn’t working on his opuses about how when you apply his interpretation of his influences (Hegel’s well known, but I also vibe a lot of the physiocrats in his attempt to quantify the immaterial aspects of political economy) to the things he’s noticed in industrializing London and the Rhine valley it actually explained the whole of history.
Also I do wonder if Buddha’s teachers would have been considered particularly relevant or wise if they hadn’t led to him. Honestly, we only know of John the Baptist at all, let alone as a worthy figure because he influenced Jesus, if not he’d have been some forgotten weirdo dunking people in a river.
(Would we think Socrates mattered if not for Plato if not for Aristotle?)
Kokopelli’s got a weird place in American culture. Pretty much unique among pre-Colombian divinities, the mainstream makes a point of keeping his name and symbolism alive… as kind of a lazy, vague symbol of “The Desert Southwest”.
Like, if you rule out bare crosses and only count crucifixes with the actual body of Christ, I might have seen more public depictions of Kokopelli than any other god in America, and I could not tell you a single Kokopelli story.
What’s Kokopelli known for? Well, I’ve got a vague sense he’s a trickster, and I guess he plays the flute. “Oh, like the flutist tricksters Pan or the Pied Piper?” Fuuuuuuck if I know, dude.
kontextmaschine said: weird thing it’s like the avant garde realized they were beating them and that’s why they decided to join them. Did it myself and it still sounds odd.
When I came to not only believe and assert that there were no effectual divinities but to actually alieve it I realized that far from undermining organized religion that only reinforced its terrible power. Like you could grok these entities and their endurance and what they’ve done if there were supernatural forces behind them, but realizing that everything they’ve done - supervising empires and structuring daily life across continents, across millennia; bringing internal coherence and actual numinous spiritual presence to people’s lives - is purely human-powered, and entire systems like this have been rigged up and left to run for ages by people of about the level we talk to on this blue website, several times, almost constantly even.
It’s like realizing the humanities have been building nukes long before the sciences ever did, and there’s nothing stopping you, you know?
