kontextmaschine:

slowleaner:

Leonardo DiCaprio’s doing an impression of Jack Nicholson on a Japanese tv program

When I was in LA Jack Nicholson gave me shit about the contents of my cart in a supermarket checkout line, not even kidding. In the Albertsons on Alvarado there was this dumpy old guy behind me wearing mirrored shades and out of nowhere he said “I can tell you don’t have a girlfriend, ‘cause you don’t have any fish in there”. And it just went from there. He asked what I was doing in LA and when I explained the spec script I was writing he said “fuck, that sounds terrible”.

Eventually he put his groceries on the conveyor belt and it was like, Capri Sun and boxes of microwave burritos. I was like “dude, what the hell”, and he said that yeah, one of my friends lost his job and I’m buying food for his family to eat, ‘cause god knows I’m not about to let him stay at my place again.

It was all really charming and towards the end I was starting to suspect, but I was like “no, Jack Nicholson isn’t that old and decrepit” and a short drive and google later, well.

kontextmaschine:

slowleaner:

Leonardo DiCaprio’s doing an impression of Jack Nicholson on a Japanese tv program

When I was in LA Jack Nicholson gave me shit about the contents of my cart in a supermarket checkout line, not even kidding. In the Albertsons on Alvarado there was this dumpy old guy behind me wearing mirrored shades and out of nowhere he said “I can tell you don’t have a girlfriend, ‘cause you don’t have any fish in there”. And it just went from there. He asked what I was doing in LA and when I explained the spec script I was writing he said “fuck, that sounds terrible”.

Eventually he put his groceries on the conveyor belt and it was like, Capri Sun and boxes of microwave burritos. I was like “dude, what the hell”, and he said that yeah, one of my friends lost his job and I’m buying food for his family to eat, ‘cause god knows I’m not about to let him stay at my place again.

It was all really charming and towards the end I was starting to suspect, but I was like “no, Jack Nicholson isn’t that old and decrepit” and a short drive and google later, well.

kontextmaschine:

slowleaner:

Leonardo DiCaprio’s doing an impression of Jack Nicholson on a Japanese tv program

When I was in LA Jack Nicholson gave me shit about the contents of my cart in a supermarket checkout line, not even kidding. In the Albertsons on Alvarado there was this dumpy old guy behind me wearing mirrored shades and out of nowhere he said “I can tell you don’t have a girlfriend, ‘cause you don’t have any fish in there”. And it just went from there. He asked what I was doing in LA and when I explained the spec script I was writing he said “fuck, that sounds terrible”.

Eventually he put his groceries on the conveyor belt and it was like, Capri Sun and boxes of microwave burritos. I was like “dude, what the hell”, and he said that yeah, one of my friends lost his job and I’m buying food for his family to eat, ‘cause god knows I’m not about to let him stay at my place again.

It was all really charming and towards the end I was starting to suspect, but I was like “no, Jack Nicholson isn’t that old and decrepit” and a short drive and google later, well.

reblog for the newbies

Also I knew a girl who told me this story that she went clubbing with her cousin once, and at the end of the night the cousin was like “let’s go to Jack’s place”

So they went up into the hills, got buzzed in at a gate, there are other girls there and obviously they and the cousin are used to this, walk in to a kitchen with the glasses and the ice and the gin and the tonic and the cut limes laid out, and prepare their drinks, and head out to the hot tub - and if this wasn’t the exact hot tub Polanski banged that girl in, it would be its successor - and there, of course, is Jack Nicholson.

And the girls take off their clothes and get in, and so does she, and then suddenly all the girls started making out with each other, and Jack turned to her and said

“You know, I’ve had sisters, but I’ve never had cousins.”

She was really freaked out and got out of there.

She told this story five or six times one night shortly after, and each time afterwards she was left looking at the listener, waiting for commiseration, and they blinked at her, uncomprehending, and said “wait, you turned down sex with Jack Nicholson?”

I was one of them, and I’d do it again. I mean, if you’ve seen Stevie Nicks lately she’s on a roughly comparable glide path, but if she told me to get down on my knees and eat her, like, she’s Stevie fucking Nicks, you know?