So after Slabtown I went to another bar and ended up watching Spartan. Why have I never heard of this? Why have you never heard of this? From 2004, it has

Val Kilmer!

(Val Kilmer is actually great in those Bruce Willis roles where a competent action protagonist realizes he’s in a ridiculous situation. I hear his one-man show as Mark Twain is a sight to behold.)

Kristen Bell!

(In a pre-Veronica Mars role where she gets to play flinty-yet-scared-yet-tomboy-sexy, which is absolutely her thing, she shoulda done Domino)

written and directed by David Mamet!

(which - you realize shot by shot he’s still a little stagy, but he’s got a good cinematographer and the shots flow well)

plus Derek Luke (who? but okay) and William H. Macy (meh). I caught the beginning of it and I thought it was the end of a good movie, turns out it kept going.