kontextmaschine:

kontextmaschine:

So anyway, my sense now (since Covid went “long” in my brain, destroyed my personality, and left me to form a new one, from perspective of which I realized the old one had been well-“masked” autistic) is that autism is a matter of the personality constructing itself such that it has no role for pre-rational, pre-human “animal instinct”, and thus must do everything (including further self-construction) by conscious logic alone

(Like, I don’t know how social species without language would organize themselves if they couldn’t parse each others’ feelings directly, and we come from a long line of such species)

This also means that autism and sexuality (the old personality was heterosexual, this one’s bi) aren’t set at birth (and thus conceivably might be externally influencable), but are set prerationally and aren’t consciously (or possibly at all) changeable within an established personality

Also another insight I’ve picked up is the reason for all the transbians and manly-men late-life transitioners and yaoi fujoshi turned trans men is it’s absolutely a Kinsey 0 thing, it’s not so much autogyne/androphilia as a fetish as you only see value in the opposite from your birth sex yet you want to see value in yourself

Since I’ve been bi I’ve absolutely had “gender euphoria” about inhabiting a male body like I didn’t before, and it makes me realize this is what I wanted identifying as a girl (a lesbian, even!) in adolescence in the 90s. If there was some treatment available that made you bi honestly I’d recommend that over gender transition but there isn’t.

In favor of “Taylor Swift bisexual” fan theories, I know multiple girls who used her as a springboard to “oh that’s what my love of performing female desirability was about” realizations

balioc:

kontextmaschine:

So if I have a sexual fantasy, and there’s a female character in it, and she turns me on, but she’s entirely being constructed and performed within my head, does that count as autogynephilia?

“I refute him thus!” said Dr. Samuel Johnson, noted straight person.

> @cyprinodont That’s jusy gynophilia

> @cyprinodont Youve ignored the “auto” part in that blanchard thought lesbian trans womens sexual desire for women was *actually* a desire for themselves. Your thoughts and thought forms are not your *self*

I dunno I get what you’re saying like if I would be just as turned on by the girl if piloted by another will then “auto” isn’t really part of it.

And I mean “having a crush on a girl but really on the idealized version in your head” or “doing foreplay on a real live girl based on your mental model of her pleasure” certainly don’t feel like they should count.

But “your thoughts and thought forms are not your *self*” is a philosophical claim. And having gone through college when they still taught Derrida and Foucault and Butler as the key to everything, “you have a true and real self as distinct from the identity you’re currently performing” is NOT obvious, especially as the queer party line.

And in the end, like, I AM creating and inhabiting a female persona for the purpose of sexual fulfillment, not by modeling the development-from-scratch of a human *seen* as female, but by implementing an idealized female self-for-appreciation-by-straight-men as seen by someone who developed from scratch as a straight man.

And that’s really kissing cousins to “autogynephilia” as used by radfems as a dismissal of esp. late-transitioning trans women, the key distinction there isn’t the weight put on self-identity but the fact that I merely script and table-read the character rather than perform it live.