Personally I think the American response to 9/11 should’ve been to give Osama bin Laden a condescendingly cheap plastic trophy

I guess conspiracy theories are Sailer’s new hobbyhorse. Fair enough. People like the 9/11 truthers are kind of ridiculous, but after all, the official story of 9/11 was “this was a grand conspiracy organized by a reclusive mastermind hidden out in a secret mountain lair in the middle of nowhere”.

Anyway, my personal conspiracy theory (geopolitical headcanon, if you will) is that Osama bin Laden was never killed; he was instead captured and taken to his own Saint Helena on one of the more obscure American Pacific islands, where every morning (Islamic holy days excepted) a kindly interrogator comes in with mint tea and almonds, plays chess with him, and gently prods the former CIA asset to tell his story.

I have no evidence for this whatsoever; I believe it for the same reason anyone believes in conspiracy theories - the secret hope the world is actually being run by someone halfway competent.