I was kicked out of three preschools, asked not to come back to a diocesan school after kindergarden, asked not to come back to that same diocesan school’s CCD program after First Communion but before Confirmation.

My favorite story (actually not even, but it is a good story) is from the second preschool, a nominally Presbyterian one (my mother’s nominal sect), located dug into the side of a steepish hill under the church itself. Some nice maybe 23-year-old girl was in charge of all of us, trying to herd us inside this long hall and said “now stay here, ‘cause in the middle of this hall there’s an invisible force field that’ll zap you if you cross it”.

And I immediately thought

1) I’ve never heard of such a thing

2) I suppose it’s possible but

3) If such a thing existed this would not be the first place I encountered it.

So I took off booking down the hall. She didn’t chase me, 'cause she needed to keep all the other kids in check I suppose. I passed the halfway point, got to the other end, and yelled back at the other kids,

“SHE’S LYING TO YOU!”