Keep in mind that other candidates for “best Portland-area amusement park” include the Air & Space Museum/waterpark with CIA ties, and for “most Portland thing I’ve ever read” include Fight Club’s vision of overthrowing emasculating bourgeois last man society through the redemptive violence of insurrectionary primitivist service-class masculinity.

I’ve been in Oregon going on three years and I’m still regularly stunned that this is a place that exists in reality and not some 1988 fantasy novel where USENET founds its own country.