{"version": "1.0", "type": "rich", "title": "what cis people do before a date", "author_name": "kontextmaschine", "author_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "provider_name": "kontextmaschine", "provider_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "url": "https://kontextmaschine.com/post/714369150151213056/", "html": "<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"https://play-now-my-lord.tumblr.com/post/714071877584355328/what-cis-people-do-before-a-date\" target=\"_blank\">play-now-my-lord</a>:</p><blockquote><h1>what cis people do before a date</h1><p><b>straight men</b>: put on your faggiest little outfit<br/><b>bi men</b>: DM your ex-wife for encouragement on the only method of communication available to both of you since they migrated to Signal and started refusing to take insecure text messages: Soulseek<br/><b>gay men</b>: post a picture of Chandler on Instagram to let your friends know you&rsquo;re seeing a guy from New York and make them jealous<br/><b>straight women</b>: obsessively research murder statistics and kind of lowkey hope to get murdered because it&rsquo;s definitely the sort of thing that happens all the time right, podcasters wouldn&rsquo;t lie about that<br/><b>bi women</b>: preemptively script a derisive tiktok about his stroke game<br/><b>gay women</b>: same as straight men. Same exact faggy little outfit<br/><b>baleen whales</b>: first thing you do is suck a bunch of krill into your hair-filled mouth</p></blockquote>"}