So when Bloody was here, he’s basically the only person I’ve really hung out with at length since the brain Covid “personality change” who knew me before besides my parents, he was I guess watching how I moved and talked and was like “wow\u2026 that really wrecked you, huh?”
And similarly I could hear it in my voice when talking to him like I only had with my parents, I guess even if anxiety’s zeroed I’m still in a performative mode with strangers where it’s buried too deep beneath my mental sense of how I intend to sound\u2026
I started to say it sounded like I had brain damage, but yeah, I guess that’s the long and short of it, huh?
Like, you guys encountering me through premeditated text probably aren’t getting half the scale of how fucked up I was (and to a degree still am!) Even when I was chatting with people on here, thinking “oh, it was nice to catch up with X”, then looking at it days later to realize I had been invoking really personal stuff and directly propositioning them for sex! In meatspace I was bringing three girls home from the bar in a week (I’d never done that once before) and only even realizing I’d done it weeks later
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