yorickoid-deactivated20230204:

markadoo:

The pornographic genre of JOI (jerk-off instructions) is stagnating. It needs to expand its horizons, come up with new ideas to appeal to new audiences and to keep the old audience from wearing out. Here are some ideas I’ve come up with. Not all of them appeal to me specifically, but I think there’s something in here for everyone.

Tutorial: Considering that it’s called “jerk-off instructions”, they’re really missing the opportunity for some instructiveness. Why not have a JOI that teaches you how to fist yourself, or stimulate your non-genital erogenous zones, or do electrostimulation, or use a spindle, or any one of the many masturbatory practices other than “put your hand on your dick and move it up and down”.

Hecklers: You’re performing a standup set, and you’re bombing big-time. One guy in the audience stands up and mockingly shouts “Why don’t you jerk off for us, funny boy?” The rest of the crowd backs him up. You haven’t rehearsed this, but a comedian must play to his audience, right?

Hey Check This Out: You ever had someone show you how to press that one nerve that makes your hand curl up, how to wobble your kneecaps, how if you shine a red flashlight in your eye for a minute the world looks dull afterward, something like that? This is like that. Your platonic yet undeniably attractive friend is walking you through the steps to stand up masturbate in a very particular way, and if you do it right, and you close your eyes when you cum, you should feel like the floor is rising. Cool, right?

Female Instructor Roleplays as Someone Other Than Stepsister: When it comes to JOIs aimed at straight men, the only roles roleplayed are “nonspecified dominatrix” and “stepsister”, with an occasional appearance of “doctor”, “girlfriend”, and “stepmother”. But what if they roleplayed someone else? You know the story where the fisherman catches the magical fish that gives him a wish, and he wishes for a bigger house, and then becomes unsatisfied, and he catches the fish again, and asks for an even bigger house, and is still unsatisfied, and catches it again, and so on? What if the fish was a woman, and it told him to jerk off? That would certainly be novel.

Song: What if you made a parody of the Cha-Cha Slide called the Hoo-Ha Slide? Do You See Where I Am Going With This.

how about incorrect jerk off instructions where she’s clearly like never seen a penis before and has no idea how they work and is telling you just the dumbest most impossible shit to do to it