"}*james-from-team-rocket sort of voice*
im an ancient sumerian king
with a massive sumerian thing
when i sit on my throne yes it swings
like the clapper that makes a bell ring
for my thing it is loose
under my sumerian skirt
and my nice fat caboose
is never inert
cause im twerkin and twerkin and twerkin like none have before me!
my people adore me!
the medes and elamites, why they abhor me!
my armies know no equal for my epic sword strikes true
my soldiers are well trained and
id suggest, far better trained than you
*lapsing out of james voice at this point, read the above with a continuous transition to a general american accent*
so fear not if you are my ally
and fear much if you are my foe
im unbeatable, my throne unseatable
by any who try to overthrow!
fuck off my haters fuck off
for im a sumerian king!
you cannot oppose me! im so powerful im so fucking powerful!
guards, arrest these motherfuckers for even trying to challenge me!
jesus christ what does it take to get some peace and quiet around here! fuck!
*voice chimes in from my council of advisors* sir, uh, I just
WHAT?
um, well, sir, the thing is… jesus hasn’t been invented yet, you know? i mean, you’re doing a great job its just
right, right, i always forget that. jesus doesn’t come out for like, centuries, right?
millennia, sir
right, ok, yeah. sorry it’s just. the ancient mesopotamian times all kinda blur together for me.
yes, sir. for all of us, sir. kind of strange, you think we’d be used to it but i guess not
yeah i know it’s like, jesus-
-
sorry, ba'al or whatever. but like, my point is we’ve all lived in ancient sumerian times our whole life and, you know, you’d think we’d be used to it? or like, more acclimated? idk, just feels weird.
yes sir, i follow you sir.
right, ok, but at least im king which is good. you all have to do what i say or else i kill you!
yes sir, thats true sir.
right, back to my hot flows then:
im the hippest sumerian jock
and the tip my sumerian cock
has no parallel in any land from aegypt to the indus,
*fade to black*