kontextmaschine:

kontextmaschine:

This ObamaCare period I realized it was really as a provider network with an insurer frontend was the important thing, not catastrophic coverage in branded hospitals, and I switched to Kaiser in part cause they do theirs in house and it’s less friction than going through a layer of third-party provider network

But that said, I’ve been documenting this from the experiencer perspective because that seems a more useful thing to pass on than what’s going on from a neurobiological standpoint, which what are you gonna do with anyway?

And I mean not like I’m not generating useful insight: I was only conceived and born once, but I’ve gone through a self personality formation process twice, and came out with a different sexual orientation in each, which suggests that’s where it arises from, even if it’s as consciously unalterable as something biological, for example

If you want to get more into the brain than the mind, the “cigarette burn” memory loss (like one word out of a phrase) suggests I took some very scattershot neural damage (or localized damage and memory is stored widely physically scattered, I guess)

As the rest of it goes, I have the sense that there were multiple structures serving various functions that could not function properly at like, 95% intact, but could function in a sort of backup mode while they trained up another 5%, in a manner similar to how they had first trained up in childhood

The way the waves of renewal returning control of my limbs worked from the core out and not the periphery in suggests to me it was in some way the absence of a central coordinating force, which once restored radiated out, and not the presence of some contaminant that faded away

But I suppose it could be that “how many damaged nerve cells will you encounter relaying a message out from/back to the brain” just increased with distance and as they restored the periphery was just last to pass the threshold of normal function