Oh also, to that anon saying I couldn’t “turn bi”, I was clearly revealing something there all along (the rest of your ask was beneath me) yeah before this that’s 100% what I thought, that that “your sexuality might change later in life” stuff was cover to come out after being in the closet a while.
The backstory here: in like 7th grade, I realized that being bi would just be more convenient and all social stigma would wash off queerness and it would even come into style afterwards, which was a bold prediction for the mid-90s but ::gestures around:: correct, because I’ve always been like this.
I wrote this up on a sheet of legal paper and presented it, unprompted, at my table in the 9th grade lunch my advanced schedule left me in, also because I’ve always been like this.
So I tried “bihacking” myself. Also at some point some USENET cartoon of a furry bisexual three-way stuck in my head. Got to the point I considered myself at least Kinsey 2. Kissed some boys, but it was like “oh, hey, kissing a boy!”, not intimate moments.
Then once after college in LA I met a male-female couple at this strip club Cheetahs. Which wasn’t a Spearmint Rhino big thing or even like here in Portland but smaller almost like a titty cabaret in a small bar tucked behind a self-storage and U-Haul place at the Hollywood/Sunset merge just east of Vermont and Hillhurst. Was kinda Suicide Girl at that time, there was a similar place west down Hollywood where Courtney Love danced once.
Anyway ended up going home to their place on Franklin, called her girlfriend over and were playing some kinda makeout card game and I get the sense she maybe even wants to try me but I get terrible draws and end up paired off with him while the girls hook up and this is my first boy and I remember thinking, sucking his dick, “this is like giving someone a massage with your mouth while they choke you”. And the reverse did nothing for me either.
And so I faced how I had like, a rich fantasy life with women, whereas maybe I could think about gay sex for 15 seconds without losing my erection if I was pretty turned on already, and I said “okay, guess I’m straight.”
And I continued like that up unto April or so of last year. Now? After I woke up today I jerked off fantasizing about fucking a guy in the ass cause I felt like it.
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