I’ve been in Portland for two years almost to the day now, so in honor of the occasion I’ll share with you the two most Portland experiences I’ve ever had. That’s actually quite a high bar, as Portland is very dedicated to being Portland.

2. The first time I came to Alberta street I parked my motorcycle and had barely made it half a block, admiring the attractively graffitied televisions left in the middle of the sidewalk. A man interrupted me to hand me a single left motorcycle glove. When I looked at him quizzically he said “‘cause I don’t have a motorcycle”, by way of explanation.

1. One night I went to the strip club I’d bought a VIP card for on my first week in town. In there I was surprised to meet the bartender with pinball tattoos I recognized from a regular haunt. I think she was with a mixed-gender group that, from how they seemed to relate to each other, I’d speculate was part of some kink or polyamory club. We talked and she, who I had previously pegged at maybe 24, brought up her 13 year old son. She said she was proud and happy that he was into Slayer and D&D, “because I can tell he’s going to get mad laid”.