Tags: Friends to Lovers, Love Confession, Mentions of Religion, tagging Major Character Death for God, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, unbeta\u2019d, written before Penis Huggler was canon don\u2019t @ me
Penis Science
It was a cool autumn day in Penis Valley and the trees lining the trail to Penis Galette\u2019s secluded cabin were bright with reds and yellows. Penis Galette was riding his long and thick penis home after one of his grocery runs to the nearby city.
The extraterrestrial had considered moving into the city permanently, to cut down on the time he had to spend driving each week, but he could not imagine any place more homely than his humble abode deep woods of in the Penis Valley. He felt closer to nature here and that always helped keep the existential dread at bay.
Said dread had set in around the time his grandmother had looked him in the eye and said, \u201cGod is dead, Penis.\u201d This had shocked the then devout Catholic alien, turned his world upside down and made his penis feel small. But luck was on his side it seemed, and soon after he\u2019d reluctantly begun to view himself as an agnostic, one Baldwin Davenport had stepped into his life.
Baldwin was an earthling, working as a scientist at one of the many not-so-secret secret underground laboratories located in and around Penis Valley. The man was obsessed with \u201cunlocking humanities true potential\u201d as he referred to it, and unlike Penis Galette, had taken the statement \u201cGod is dead\u201d as a challenge. If God had vacated his position, it would fall to humanity (or potentially Peniskind) to take his place. Baldwin was currently studying what he called Gold-Eyed Saints, or GES, and he would rave about his work to Penis whenever he found his way to his old friend\u2019s cabin for the occasional beer.
Speak of the devil, thought Penis Galette as he turned the corner to his gravel driveway. Baldwin\u2019s sciencemobile was parked in front of his garage, which was not an issue as Penis always rode his own penis everywhere and rarely had to use the emergency penis he kept in there. He could make out his friend\u2019s skinny form on his porch, stooped over in typical Davenport manner. He should really work on his posture or at least do some back exercises. At this rate he\u2019ll end up developing chronic back-pain.
\u201cPenis Galette, how nice of you to finally show up! I\u2019ve only been standing here for an hour\u2026\u201d
Penis rolled his eyes. \u201cDavenport, you know damn well I would\u2019ve come home earlier if you\u2019d told me you were coming to visit. Did you lose your phone again?\u201d
\u201cI\u2019ve never lost a thing in my life. My phone is on vacation anyways.\u201d
\u201cDo I want to know? No, don\u2019t tell me, I\u2019m not in the mood to listen to you anthropomorphize your phone again.\u201d
[The author is bored and wants to get to the good stuff.]
\u201cI love you, Penis Galette\u201d, he spat, \u201cI\u2019ve always loved you and your gods-damned giant penis!\u201d
It took Penis a few seconds to understand what he had just been told but then he was crashing their moths together so hard their teeth clacked.
\u201cAh, fuck!\u201d Baldwin pulled back and pressed his hand to his mouth, \u201cI think you chipped my fucking tooth!\u201d
\u201cOh, sorry. But you\u2019re a scientist, aren\u2019t you? Just grow a new tooth in your eldritch laboratory or whatever!\u201d Penis Galette did not need his attempt at seduction to be derailed by an emergency visit to the dentist.
\u201cOf course I can, idiot! But it hurts like shit\u2026\u201d
\u201cWell then we\u2019ll just have to find something to distract you, won\u2019t we? \ud83d\ude0f\u201d
\u201cHow the fuck did you just say an emoji out loud, what the hell?\u201d
What followed was very sexy and involved many mentions of Penis Galette\u2019s namesake.
I don’t know much about Penis Galette, but I’ll tell you what, I’m in
this is beautiful
It was a cool fall day in Penis Valley and the trees lining the trail to Penis Galette’s secluded cabin were bright and yellows, and Penis Galette was riding home after one of his grocery runs to the nearby city.
Penis Galette had recently finished his third bottle of whiskey and was feeling very happy and at peace with his existence, the fall breeze playing in his short grey hair and the crisp air in his lungs. He was walking home because he was out of whiskey and didn’t want to walk all the way back to the liquor store.
His penis was still very long but he’d been experiencing some “tightness” and had been taking his pills for it. Penis Galette liked that his pills caused him to feel and do things he would normally be embarrassed to tell his friends about. So he was feeling very comfortable about his penis now, and he’d just seen the tail lights of his friends’ car on the trail ahead of him. He was feeling a little lonely because he hadn’t seen his friends in a while, and was feeling a little sad because he was afraid he might be missing out on some special penis time with them.
But that was okay, he’d been looking forward to getting home and sitting down in front of his computer to write some fanfic. If he were going to be lonely, he’d rather be alone with his ideas and words than with his penis. The two were two very different experiences, he’d always thought.
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