\nIf a person you\u2019re about to date says: \u201coh by the way I\u2019m trans\u201d
And you immediately answer: \u201coh that\u2019s cool I\u2019m bi\u201d
The trans person will hear: \u201cI see you as your assigned gender at birth.\u201d
Yes it\u2019s fine for you to tell your date that you\u2019re bi. But when you word it exactly like that it kind of has some implications.
Maybe instead wait a couple of sentences, minutes, topics to come out as bi.
Or try something like this:
“Thank you for telling me. I’m also part of the queer/LGBT+ community, I’m bisexual.”
“I’m glad you felt comfortable coming out to me, I’ve faced similar situations whenever I’ve come out as bisexual to people.”
Just avoid insinuations about their gender please. And trying to reassure us that you “of course still view us as [preferred gender identity] ” isn’t reassuring at all (at least to me), instead it makes me wonder why you felt the need to tell me in the first place.
Yes, these are good examples! A lot of trans people have the experience of being treated badly even by people that claim to be allies so being aggressive about it won\u2019t help your case. Being chill and not making it about them being trans is a better call.
Here’s the explanation from the trans side of why “bisexuals specifically must be willing to date trans people” is shitty and transphobic.
I mean, this kind of is what I’m getting at with calling myself bi and not pan now, like my sexuality leaves me open to trans partners but the IFF module my sexuality keys off might not affirm your identity as you understand it
Like when I was straight I was, I guess you could say superstraight, trans women didn’t flip my switch (but ideally you wouldn’t, I was ready to aver with a smiling shrug that I had a cis fetish). I could maybe work myself up to one of those trans men doing the “fuck my pussy like a girl” thing, but I was around for Casual Encounters, “pretend I’m a girl and give me your str8 load” comes off as very authentically gay male
But both of them became uncomplicatedly valid options when my sexuality changed, suggesting that that “IFF module” is reading them as some combination of male and female
So yes, “I’m not validating your trans gender identity as fully interchangeable with the cis equivalent but you’re well within the scope of my sexuality\ufffc\ufffc” is in fact what I mean by “bi”
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