So Oxford, in collaboration with Aalto University and the Institute for the Blindingly Obvious, has published some research on where people regard it as appropriate to be touched by other people. The results are presented using colour-coded maps of the body: dark colours for less appropriate, light ones for more appropriate. The original maps can be seen at the top of the article here, and as you’d expect from such an impressionistic and subjective set of results, they’re kind of messy.
Someone at the New Zealand Herald decided to make a little graphic which simplifies these maps and makes them easier to ‘read’. Unfortunately this has the side-effect of making it look like people have a lot of really specific preferences about where they can be touched, and uA and I haven’t really stopped laughing since.
Important conclusions:
- Men are okay with their partners touching them anywhere, except - Jesus Christ, what are you doing? Get off me, you lunatic! That’s my private leg!
- Women are fine with their partners touching them absolutely anywhere, including either leg, but they’re super fine with chin, throat, both hands, and the right collarbone. Oh my God, the right collarbone. Fuck.
- As a man, you are tentatively okay with your hands being touched by your mother, father, sister, or brother. You actually quite like your hands being touched by your uncle. You are implacably opposed to your hands being touched by your aunt.
- As a woman, you don’t really like anyone touching your chest except your partner (in which case, great, although the right collarbone is sitting there begging for attention). However, the area on your chest which is out of bounds is much smaller and more specific if you’re being touched by a woman. It’s a narrow oval, whereas for men it’s quite a wide oval. A female acquaintance must not, under any circumstances, touch your left breast; on the right one, you’re willing to negotiate.
- As a man, you would rather have your feet touched by a male friend than by a female one. You also can’t stand it when your brother places his hand soothingly between your nipples.
- As a woman, you hate it when your aunt sticks her finger in your left eye. The right one, though? Eh.
oh god i’m giggling hysterically
other conclusions:
- as a woman, your brother may pat you on the RIGHT SHOULDER SPECIFICALLY.
- women don’t shake hands with female aquaintances? in fact the shake hands with literally everyone but female aqcuaintances
- and your male cousin may only shake your left hand but a male stranger should really go for the right
Besides their partner, women are most open to having their female relatives and friends (both genders!) touch their crotches, whereas men are most open to female friends, acquaintances, and strangers
