kontextmaschine:

Been reevaluating the personality change as more continuous with the physical stuff and a neural issue (maybe “Long COVID”) lately in large part because the experience has changed a bit this week in ways that grant perspective.

For one, the sensation in my arms has moved to a heaviness and lightning racing somewhere in the range from the biceps to the fingers, in a way that’s really distinguishable from the fingertip numbness (and makes me realize some of my “carpal tunnel” issues months ago were really that)

For two, in a way unlike any since my anxiety went down and I lost the ability to really worry, I have the sense of something …looming. It doesn’t feel like I need to avoid or prepare for it, though it is possible to resolve poorly, past that I’m not really sure, I just can’t fully relax in Readiness for it.

For three, I tire easier. I can go to bed after just 7 hours awake, I pretty much have to after 13, and I can sleep for up to 15 hours at a stretch

Honestly any or all of these might just be the effect of caffeine withdrawal and this being my rest week for creatine.

Yeah, I am not mentally grounded rn and it’s become like antidepressant levels of difficult to orgasm. I was sleepy like this too on Lexapro that one time, wouldn’t be surprised if there was some overlap in the mechanism.

Not sure if this betokens some new change or it’s just the thing that replaced my hypomanias or what. Guess we’ll see.