etirabys:

I wrote a blog post about the drum I’m banging all the time about heterosexual dating.

My suspicion is that the majority of my women friends who had bad relationships had partners who chose them, rather than the other way around. If you are 100% passive in the dating market, your partners will be drawn from the set of ‘the kind of people who wants to date you’. If you are 100% active, your partners will be drawn from the set of ‘the kind of person you want to date’.

…

So, while it would be great to be on a date with a guy who asked me out because I’m the most spectacular person he’s met this year and he thinks about me all the time and has been beating down thoughts of what to name our children… statistically the guys who ask me out will tend to be my acquaintance who thinks it’s worth a shot and tries it out after a cumulative hour of waffling.

A relationship with the first guy has a better chance of going well than a relationship with the second guy, although of course it’s nonzero for both. But I argue that your chances are even better if you date the guy you think is the most spectacular person you’ve met this year. US progressive culture is in a weird place right now where women are socially permitted to initiate but they don’t seem to quite believe it yet. As a consequence, the dating field for the minority of initiating women is highly rewarding.