"}the signs as \u201cthings I\u2019m surprised are in the actual text of the Book of Revelation\u201d
Aries: the text mentions \u201ctwo shepherds clothed in purple\u201d which I expected to see as \u201cgymnasium\u201d but it\u2019s actually \u201cgymnasium of the pure,\u201d because purity, of course
Taurus: \u201ctheir infants, and nursing children, and young children, were placed on golden bales\u201d - I though this was just to make the pun on \u201cgolden bios\u201d more obvious but apparently not, so that\u2019s a good one
Gemini: when \u201corbs\u201d are mentioned, they\u2019re described as \u201cburning fireflies\u201d which I expected but which is awkward to make unless these are just lowly fireflies which are being transformed into orbs by some wondrously complicated process
Cancer: the text mentions \u201call the lower living creatures of the dark water\u201d which I thought was just way more animal identification tokens than were actually in the book, I\u2019m shocked it referred to all fish there
Leo: \u201cthey had eyes like the embryos in a woman\u2019s womb,\u201d wow, I thinking this was a reference to fish embryos that develop inside their mother\u2019s uterus but apparently not
Virgo: the dog-headed angel faces left and right are called \u201cthe one placed in the center of the veil\u201d which is kind of weird but could be to show that those are the only two vision faces (although the other one isn\u2019t named)
Libra: the book mentions that anyone who wants to \u201clook through him\u201d will \u201cfind himself taken out of the realm of the living and be brought to the eternal flames of fire,\u201d which is very explicit but seems like an oversight
Scorpio: oh my god nothing gets me into lolcow catholics like this image, I guess the idea of the four-legged low flying angel walking over some small scarab-like ground covering is amusing to people who like that sort of thing
Sagittarius: \u201ca man clothed with the sun\u201d oh my god the text literally reads \u201ca man clothed with the sun in his strong man\u2019s robe\u201d? the obvious explanation is \u201che is clothed with the Sun in his greatness\u201d but that\u2019s too subtle, there has to be a more outrageous version of the joke, lower and mean-spirited
Capricorn: somehow this is the literal prediction: \u201cfor her entire life, she has been wearing layer upon layer of clothing made of gold and precious stones, representing layers of glory upon layers of glory, until she will be covered with and shining with precious gemstones like the top of a temple in the temple of God.\u201d how does that happen? after you die the layer-mold dissolves leaving gold and then what
Aquarius: when he saw her with open mouth, he drew back, frightened, and leaving her, covered himself with a breastplate"!!! okay what even is the fate of the guy who wrote this poem
Pisces: apparently this lines up with the story of the flood but the only thing I can think of is: they build the tower one on top of the other to hold up the water. then the water goes up and the upper story comes down