The highs have gotten weird yea, the sharper physicalization of the lows I’m not sure makes them more limiting though, compared to spending weeks listlessly catastrophizing as before. If anything the way that they more clearly announce themselves makes me more likely to recognize them at the time and address them accordingly.

Also I can tell this isn’t a narrative issue but organic, I’m not going to be talked out of it, the state of the art would be what, mood stabilizers + maybe antidepressants so it’s not Oops! All Depression? And all the time and visits titrating them and refilling prescriptions, and the side effects…

An obvious question is how this relates to my general personality changes in the last year - was it the prime cause, or reflective of some change or damage that was? Is this just how the new personality “does” bipolarity? Is the intensity about the change and it’ll settle once I finish at some endpoint?

I dunno! Will my experience of these things change with more experience with them? Maybe! I’ve been through 2 or 3 cycles like this, vs. at least 20 where I was aware with the last one, and maybe up to 100 unrecognized before.

I do kinda miss the old purely-intellectual “crystalline” ups before, would be nice to do that again. If, as a long-time follower, you really want the “old me” back I get that and sometimes I miss it too, but bear in mind that was not a mind untouched by madness.

I’m decently meta-aware, I can tell when I’m being crazy, if you’re going to bring up the “thought I maybe got super-senses with a vidya tutorial” thing, that was the craziest thing I couldn’t quite place lately, which is why I asked for outside opinions, and the consensus leaned “probably a bit crazy” so now so do I.

I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be fine.