kontextmaschine:

Like, sorry if I’ve been posting about my sexuality a lot lately, it’s new and it’s interesting and it gives new perspective on things that are pretty fundamental to my self, it’s the focus of this arc of my internal Main Plot

Like, the newest thing, the other day I caught myself changing in the mirror on my closet door and realized for the first time in my life I had an intuitive sense of my naked body as a deserving object of sexual desire.

I’m not sure what standard I had been holding myself to and falling short, but I specifically recalled a memory of seeing myself in the mirror because I was in the middle of having sex with a FWB who wasn’t even really a friend, so “each other’s bodies as sexual objects” was kind of the basis of our relationship, and feeling insecure about it.

But now, even if after years of neglect my limited dojo body is going softer, I’m just like “yeah, he’s fuckable”. I wonder how much of my newfound seductiveness has to do with that confidence operating at a deep level before I noticed it, that’s one more way this might just end up rebounding and charging me up with women

I guess that makes me wonder how much of my thinking of myself as female during puberty, or coding my desire for women as lesbian had to do with someone purely interested in women wanting to see their own sexuality as valid