Complete inability to reach orgasm the last few days, like I haven’t had since I tried Lexapro, have to wonder if that’s just the comedown from a peak so high I go bisexual for a bit
Like, the new personality is interesting! I always kinda envied the more social and outgoing, and it’s nice to have that experience
But I see downsides! Like, I miss the “crystalline” hypomanic periods when I’d get like +3 INT and go wild with that for a while. But past that downsides in and of itself even.
Like, in these new phases I’m completely pansexual and disinhibited, 100% anxiolytic so even when directly contemplated the concept of bad outcome is abstract and unreal, I apparently intuitively seduce people without meaning to, even dead sober I black out and my “narrative” resumes hours later after I was going intact without a superego/soul the whole time\u2026
I can see ways that goes bad! Shit, not even sexual, while I was in it I could very easily contemplate a situation where I see a cop car empty and running for some situation and jump in to see what it’s like driving around with the lights on.
When I was on Lexapro for a month I got laid more than I ever have and also slapped and into bar fights, I realized the thing was I had built mental fences to constrain my self and they were still intact but now my self was running wild and free in the next field over, it’s like that
But at the same time, like, the things it’s shown me! I first wanted to be bisexual decades ago, long since gave up on it and even if that wasn’t permanent it was real, now I have that experience and know what it’s like and I’m still unlocking revelations from it, like, I forgot it was still possible to have human experiences that novel at my age
At the same time it’s kinda that Twilight Zone broken-glasses-in-the-eternal-library thing, I have these experiences at the cost of the ability to conceptualize and communicate them, I get these social and sexual rushes but it’s not even lack of a bonus, I think I’m now even a bit mentally foggier in these up moods than baseline\u2026
oh my God, I’m being bimbofied. Fuck
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