I’m in a fluffy up state, been going for a few days and suddenly looking back and counting meals and reading my transcripts I think I’m blacking out dead sober? Or to be charitable just not forming memories, in a way that correlates with when I’m most volubly social.
Also I have intrusive thoughts of sucking dick. They’re not even arousing, though now somehow I “get” the aesthetics of a dude’s abs and hipbones. I took the opportunity to consider scenarios like being cuddled, being kissed, getting railed in the ass by typical guy/trap/typical girl with a strap and as far as I can tell I just don’t have a sexual preference RN.
Maybe some of that’s cabin fever and I’d at least like to see how I respond to a sample of living humans, but it’s like my hypomanic Super Mode went from “sane conspiracy theorist” to “disaster bisexual”. At a metaconsciousness level I hate it, but apparently my actual feelings are a level down from that and I can’t summon anger even if I try!
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