monetizeyourcat:

eccentric-nucleus:

the thing is when actual people talk w/ each other it’s to communicate information or be entertained or solve problems or any of a huge number of reasons. when corporations talk to people they’re cognizant of people’s motives, and so they try to mimic them, but their ultimate reason for discourse is always “feed our all-consuming maw”, and they know that’s creepy so they want to get subtler and subtler until it’s unnoticeable.

they also make this easier by reconfiguring how actual people talk w/ each other so the bar is easier to clear

The most amazing sentence I have ever been paid to create, acting in the capacity of the voice of a corporation acting in the capacity of the voice of a brand, was “Thinking that babies are human royalty, the aliens are planning to use their Matter Exchanger to turn themselves into Babyz and rule the world!”

I think what set me off about it was that, in addition to the fundamentally ridiculous subject matter, from the multi-clause condensed narrative to the nouns rendered proper for brand reasons to the terminal exclamation mark, it felt completely normal, even typical in its habitat (a manual for a licensed video game) in spite of it being a thing that no human would ever possibly think to say.