Other LA celebrity encounters:

I went to the AdultFriendFinder Christmas party once, in the hills. The thing about Hollywood Hills - the bird hills, really - houses is in terms of living space they’re actually pretty small, often just one bedroom, most square footage is actually entertainment space. Most competently organized and catered party I’ve ever seen. They had H.R. Giger prints on the wall and eventually I was like “oh, no, Giger paintings”. Sculptures by the Tool guy, too. I was directed to park in this parking structure that’s normally like medical offices, with “Dr. Goldsomething” plaques on each space, and originally I turned around because I felt like obviously I’m not supposed to be here.

There were a bunch of porn stars I assume but didn’t recognize because I’ve never been into Valley industry porn. Also Mystery, the PUA guru. He really was inexplicably, absurdly charismatic, slouching in a deck chair with his ridiculous hat and ridiculous coat and ridiculous goatee, literally no one could resist glancing over at him every so often.

I’ve also been to a porn wrap party, but no one I knew by name and it was kind of depressing. It was one of those houses on the crest of the hills that’s only used for shoots. It was supposed to be an open bar, but the guy throwing the party got angry that we weren’t tipping enough and started charging.

The girl working the bar was wearing a tear-off Alice in Wonderland costume, at one point she went to do a dance on the pole built into the patio deck support. Then she went upstairs and when she came back down her eyes were glassed like an inch of Vaseline. I gave her a $20 for a $4 drink, and she slowly plucked out $7 in change and looked at me with pitiful, confused expectation. I said “honey, no.”

They say the porn community’s like family, and that’s correct in that if you grow up in a supporting one you’ll probably find a place in a supporting one, and if you grow up in a fucked up one you’ll probably find a place in a fucked up one.

Also I literally walked into Britney Spears once because I was headed down the sidewalk reading a newspaper. She was wearing mirrorshades and a Steelers jersey, and for 3 blocks afterwards (and LA blocks are long blocks) I was like “where do I know that girl from?”