{"version": "1.0", "type": "rich", "title": "Finally set up an OKCupid profile, 'cause why not.\r\n Was filling out questions, every now and then checking the matches it was...", "author_name": "kontextmaschine", "author_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "provider_name": "kontextmaschine", "provider_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "url": "https://kontextmaschine.com/post/21425853588/", "html": "

Finally set up an OKCupid profile, ‘cause why not.

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Was filling out questions, every now and then checking the matches it was offering me. Somewhere around question 50 though things started making a determined march *away* from people who appealed to me.

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And I’m pretty sure it was where I answered yes to “would you consider having an open relationship” and “would you like to recieve pain during sex”

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I mean, they didn’t ask me if I was okay with monogamous fidelity, 'cause as far as I know all my relationships have been that way and I’d be just fine with another. And I’ve had a lot of great painless sex too. (Actually the painful sex I’ve had was… kind of incompetent?)

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Maybe they should’ve, because even though I marked those things as unimportant or irrelevant in someone else, they sure seem to become the #1 factors in deciding my results. And it’s not just people who *happen* to be okay with the same things either, it’s people for whom that is their subcultural affiliation.

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And this isn’t my first exposure to poly/open/bsdm/kink scenes, I spent two summers in a renaissance faire, fuck, I lived in Risley. We get along, but as potential partners, I mean… while I’m aware it’s not actually a requirement that you be a lumpy, low self-esteem scuzzbucket who takes Not Being A Good Christian way too seriously for someone who’s not 16…

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I mean I don’t think it is, right?

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Is it?

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I mean maybe that’s just a specific subcultural slice, but as someone who did indeed move in circles touching those, who answered “yes” to “have you ever done cosplay” (Takeo Takakura from Mahou Tsukai Tai, Otakon 200…2?), I can’t really blame the site for feeding me that slice.

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Maybe I should just change my answers when the 24-hour countdown clears. 'cause if I’d be okay with an open relationship on the condition that no one involved was the type of person who’s interested in open relationships…

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Likewise, while it’s a little counterintuitive to uncheck the “interested in casual sex” box on the personality-matching-for-casual-sex service I’m using, the site’s whole schtick is using answers more for their implicit associations more than explicit revelation.

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I dunno, maybe if I keep going there’s some other question that allows me to weed out the lifestylers more. Maybe “Are you familiar with the Gor series?” Though, the only reason I can even think of that is that my truthful answer would be “yes”, which would just dig the hole worse.

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How about “are you okay with having multiple partners, only without any sort of social context or norms or ethics or anything like that”, which would get me… girls who like to cheat? More likely I’d just end up getting cuckold fetishists, and yeesh.

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TL;DR: Look, OKCupid, I made a conscious decision to move to Portland and I respect the implications of that, but I also made a conscious decision not to move to San Francisco and you need to respect that.

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