{"version": "1.0", "type": "rich", "title": "all the \"my fingertips are numb\"\n(it was really just the tips that you couldn't call the \"front\" or \"back\", it really only...", "author_name": "kontextmaschine", "author_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "provider_name": "kontextmaschine", "provider_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "url": "https://kontextmaschine.com/post/190780538708/", "html": "

kontextmaschine:

all the “my fingertips are numb”

(it was really just the tips that you couldn’t call the “front” or “back”, it really only interfered with scraping up coins with my fingernails and picking my nose)

bits have receded

like, literally receded, they only exist from the tips of my fingernails to the first ¼th as a mild tingling

as I swing from depressive to hypomanic

this is so fucking dumb, this physicalization, but I guess it’s real even if it’s psychosomatic, like how I was pee-shy with anyone else in the bathroom for the last year of LA

\n

this physicalization suuuuucks, I’ve been on this come-up since Saturday and I’ve vomited twice and always feel like I’m going to again, I managed to sleep 4 hours and snapped awake with a butterfly mosh pit in my stomach and my jaw and muscles electric tense, my limbs and digits are flipping between “literally disabled” and “filled with radiant light” like a Catholic saint.

If you’re going through my archive a few months back there’s a sequence about a “new personality” I developed after mildly choking and rescuing myself, if this is part of that it suuuuuucks

"}