Oh, let’s talk about the children’s movie previews I saw before Cats:

Harrison Ford and a Dog - I’m sorry dude, even if he does seemed trained so his reaction gestures aren’t that broad, you’re co-starring in a kids’ movie with a dog, and the story beats sound blunt as hell. No one you care about will even notice and you’ll use the paycheck to build a weed plantation on a Colorado mountaintop, though.

Movie where a tough Russian-ish spy mook has to mentor a little girl - still really cliche and treacly in a way I have to assume is pitched more to earnest parents. If this is the alternative I prefer the Shrek-style dumb knowingness over this dumb carebear shit, but I guess that’s my thesis on culture in general for the last few years.

Dr. Doolittle (with RDJ) - when I saw the title I was like “oh yes, that classic British kids’ property, where… ah… yes, animals! Where he does… some verbs… with animals!” The bit where the whole trailer’s all appealing to parents like “sense of wonder! an authority figure saying it’s okay to be scared!” and then a 3 second tag for boys “look, intense music and a dragon!"…

Lin-Manuel Maranda movie about the "dreamers” of Washington Heights defending themselves from evil gentrificationers, the dialogue was wretch-inducing diversity cliches - I rolled my eyes so hard and repeatedly I had to close them. It did highlight that all those “we gotta save our scrappy camp from the snobs across the lake!” stuff was narrativizing the white ethnic breakup of WASP hegemony, even tho by then WASPs were more outdoor-enthusiast totebaggers driving Volvos into the ground. Sorry, WASPs.

Trolls - from a culture war standpoint, this is more interesting. It opens with like, the Techno Troll as rave DJ playing Daft Punk’s One More Time, which 1) ugh 2) alllll flashing colors 3) sets up a hilarious contrast with Interstella 555

But then it turns out the plot is the Rock Troll (a mohawked-denim 80s type) is the villain, trying to claim the “5 strings” of music to secure supremacy. So at least… the Rap Troll and the Smooth Jazz Troll have to stop her?

I’m sure the climax is she thought she had to do this to survive and there’s some sort of reconciliation, probably as a loud party, but that “Rock is the oppressive villain Rap and Smooth Jazz have to defeat” is a viable take for youth media, hm.

Of course it looks excruciating, I hear the Angry Birds movie was interestingly xenophobic, but I’m not gonna watch that either.

New Pixar Movie – unlike the others looks quite competent in that Pixar way. Don’t approve of feelings for your dead relatives, esp. ones you never even met and I wish they didn’t apply their competence to that low shit, so. Speaking of Rock, is “fat friendly denim-jacket-and-patches guy with an airbrushed van” still a meaningful type to anyone? I feel like I’ve only ever encountered him in representations, like Brütal Legend and Day of the Tentacle, I’ve never actually met that guy in person