So I think I’m switching from depressed to elevated mood for the first time since that whole choking and subsequent “new personality” episode that seems to have left me less anxious and inhibited independent of mood. So, thoughts:

The depression manifested a lot more physically and less mentally. I wouldn’t wake up and stay in bed awake for two more hours, I would wake up after a normal night’s sleep, feel tired, go back to sleep for another 90 minutes, then repeat before finally getting up. If I tried to get active after the first one I’d be yawning with heavy eyes.

(This is one more way this reminds me of the month I was on Lexapro, when I would sometimes sleep 15 hours a day.)

Also, for a bit my sense of smell and taste were dulled, which was weird. On the flipside there was no self-doubt or catastrophizing. I wouldn’t do that thing where I’d know I should go out but put it off until like 1am to get dinner at the bar before closing time, instead I’d just stay comfortably cozy in my house for days at a time.

Complications: this MIGHT be “new personality effect” plus “depressive period” PLUS one or more of

• Caffeine tolerance/withdrawal
• Alcohol use/hangover
• Mood changes from shortening daylight

, all of those were plausible for the Lexapro experience too.

Also, I’m still getting used to the new effects of getting drunk. As I get used to it and notice the subtleties, it’s still in the same broad outline with all the details changed. Like, my motor skills still degrade but where before that hit first in balance, then timing, then hand/eye coordination it goes in the opposite order now.

Where before sometimes I’d wake up and be like “ugh, I sent some ridiculous texts last night, let’s maybe put off reading the responses for a bit”, I’ll wake up innocent on a day after I didn’t even think I got that drunk and see responses to a bunch of perfectly anodyne messages I had no memory of sending.