So noticing more about the recent personality changes:
1) it manifests in part as a physical sense - each part of my body feels lighter (over and above the fact that it actually is - I\u2019ve lost about 20 pounds already) and… mildly radiant? Like, it somehow feels like it\u2019s glowing. I don\u2019t know how to explain this, it\u2019s like a very faint combination of goosebumps, of the tingles from a benumbed body part \u201cwaking up\u201d, and stress sweating, but there\u2019s no actual skin dimpling, raised hair, or perspiration. It\u2019s the whole body, too, if I pay attention to my interior I notice it in my lungs and digestive system.
This I actually think might be downstream of the change of diet, I\u2019ve heard of similar things when people are fasting, but it lacks the \u201chollow\u201d feeling in the stomach or temples I associate with caloric deficit.
2) It\u2019s definitely not operating on the same axis as elevated/depressed mood. I noted before that that it could coexist with tiredness; just now for the first time since this change was active I drank coffee. Caffeine stimulation does operate on the same axis: in hypomanic periods I avoid it as the additive effect (and anxiogenic effects) are unpleasant; in down periods I could use it as an inferior replacement/crutch.
I drank this cup slowly, titrating dosage in case it was additive so I didn\u2019t go overboard; it\u2019s not, I could feel the stimulus taking effect underneath and independent of these changes, which held steady.
This all is… it\u2019s just really weird. I\u2019m more confident, outgoing, and non-anxious than I\u2019ve ever been. I look less fat than since I was 7 (though maybe not yet a lower body fat percentage, I had more muscle mass 5 years ago when I was more regularly doing strength exercise) and if this path continues I\u2019m probably going to end up looking pretty good naked.
Which, like, yay! It\u2019s exactly the self-improvement I always wanted? And what\u2019s the secret, what\u2019s the epiphany I realized, the advice I can share with others? There is none. There is no narrative or ideological content to the change at all. As far as I can tell, my neurotransmitter balance shifted just because.
Like, if anyone reading this feels constrained by medical ethics, feel free to share this with anyone else, especially if you think it might help their understanding/their understanding might help explain this, it\u2019s just so weird to experience.