So noticing more about the recent personality changes:

1) it manifests in part as a physical sense - each part of my body feels lighter (over and above the fact that it actually is - I’ve lost about 20 pounds already) and… mildly radiant? Like, it somehow feels like it’s glowing. I don’t know how to explain this, it’s like a very faint combination of goosebumps, of the tingles from a benumbed body part “waking up”, and stress sweating, but there’s no actual skin dimpling, raised hair, or perspiration. It’s the whole body, too, if I pay attention to my interior I notice it in my lungs and digestive system.

This I actually think might be downstream of the change of diet, I’ve heard of similar things when people are fasting, but it lacks the “hollow” feeling in the stomach or temples I associate with caloric deficit.

2) It’s definitely not operating on the same axis as elevated/depressed mood. I noted before that that it could coexist with tiredness; just now for the first time since this change was active I drank coffee. Caffeine stimulation does operate on the same axis: in hypomanic periods I avoid it as the additive effect (and anxiogenic effects) are unpleasant; in down periods I could use it as an inferior replacement/crutch.

I drank this cup slowly, titrating dosage in case it was additive so I didn’t go overboard; it’s not, I could feel the stimulus taking effect underneath and independent of these changes, which held steady.

This all is… it’s just really weird. I’m more confident, outgoing, and non-anxious than I’ve ever been. I look less fat than since I was 7 (though maybe not yet a lower body fat percentage, I had more muscle mass 5 years ago when I was more regularly doing strength exercise) and if this path continues I’m probably going to end up looking pretty good naked.

Which, like, yay! It’s exactly the self-improvement I always wanted? And what’s the secret, what’s the epiphany I realized, the advice I can share with others? There is none. There is no narrative or ideological content to the change at all. As far as I can tell, my neurotransmitter balance shifted just because.

Like, if anyone reading this feels constrained by medical ethics, feel free to share this with anyone else, especially if you think it might help their understanding/their understanding might help explain this, it’s just so weird to experience.