thesublemon:

thesublemon:

excerpts from what i call my “yikes” file:

-“things are going to get worse before they get better.” the depression of realizing you are not in survival mode any more. the depression of the baroque. the depression not of things being in pieces, but of things being halfway put together and still not done.

-horror movie about the process of realizing that people’s extreme personas are not fake and no set of magical words will unlock a “real” person underneath

-brutality of “these people mean the most to me in the world and they’re not even that great”

-embarrassing sexual overconfidence of the newly sexually initiated

-inability to predict whether you will even like your own children as people

-slow despair of knowing you have no way to behave in a chronic situation that is both joyful and moral

-the knowledge that you are missing out on fundamental emotional experiences and have no way of acquiring them. 

some i didn’t include in this post:

-wanting to work out your issues with someone and not getting that the reason you’re not is because they don’t care 

-feeling dismissive towards other people’s subcultures and knowing that your own meaning-making is just as real/fake

-the whiplash of realizing that someone was interacting with you as a symbol, and you thought they were interacting with you as a person 

-the uncomfortable thought that you didn’t object to being made a symbol, you just wanted it to be a different one

-the adult shame of knowing that you were entirely responsible for an outcome you regret

-isn’t it an unsettling coincidence that people just happen to fall in love with only people of the genders that they’re attracted to?