{"version": "1.0", "type": "rich", "title": "Predicting the Future of Comic Book-Related Entertainment Dept.: I think if you pinned down any legitimate comic critic, they\u2019d...", "author_name": "kontextmaschine", "author_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "provider_name": "kontextmaschine", "provider_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "url": "https://kontextmaschine.com/post/184408506718/", "html": "

twiststreet:

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Predicting the Future of Comic Book-Related Entertainment Dept.: I think if you pinned down any legitimate comic critic, they\u2019d predict for you that (a) at some point in the near future, a lady comic fan will inevitably write horny erotic fiction inspired by the Marvel Cinematic Universe that is so commercially successful that it spawns its own multi-million dollar movie franchise, the way 50 Shades of Grey was inspired by Pixar\u2019s Finding Nemo, and (b) when that happens, trad comic fans (the \u201cWednesday crowd\u201d, the classical Marvel Zombies, whatever you want to call them) will handle it badly, become huffy and dismissive, react the way fans reacted when Twilight showed up at Comicon, etc., even though they\u2019ve essentially been reading material little better than fan fiction for decades, and it\u2019ll all be really hilarious and alienating to watch and laugh at in a sad way, and that\u2019s just something we horribly have to look forward to with glee and depression, and so on and so on and so forth.\u00a0\u00a0

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But thinking about it tonight, I think where I disagree with most comic critics (and I\u2019m sure there are exceptions) is this:\u00a0 I think they\u2019re all expecting that because of X-Men comics, because of the trappings of the genre, the skin-tight suits, Wonder Woman\u2019s lasso, the fight scenes, et cetera et cetera and so forth\u2026 They\u2019re expecting that inevitable movie franchise to be about BDSM, rope-fetishes, spanking, weird pain shit, and so on and so on and so forth.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0

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I disagree.\u00a0 What I posit to you is this:\u00a0 I think that franchise will be about encouraging women to fantasize of being in a MMF relationship.\u00a0\u00a0

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Now, look: MMF stuff\u2019s not really what I go to when I go looking for cinematic entertainment\u2013 it\u2019s actually something I avoid, I\u2019d even say\u2013 it all seems very messy. I\u2019m more into Netflix movies where Noah Centineo teaches a girl that it\u2019s okay to be all fucked up, he\u2019ll like her anyways and buy her warm socks. That or stuff where Japanese people get weird at their classmates. So I\u2019m not predicting this as a MMF fan, but as America\u2019s (former, now tragically retired) most beloved comic critic engaged in serious analysis, futurism, Iron-Man-as-written-by-Ellis-or-Bendis-style futurism.\u00a0

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I just know when I go online, I pick up on the fact that a lot of people are into what they\u2019re into\u2013 it\u2019s the subtext of a lot of tweets out there, you know who I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0\u00a0Except it hasn\u2019t really bubbled up into the mainstream cinema yet, not the way other stuff has. Matt Taibbi quoted Ambrose Bierce the other day\u2013\u00a0radicalism is \u201cthe conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.\u201d Taibbi wasn\u2019t talking about mainstreaming MMF porn and combining it with x-rated Avengers fan fiction.\u00a0 But he could have been, and I think that\u2019s what makes all the difference here.

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Sure, yes, I see what you\u2019re going to say: \u201con paper it makes no sense.\u00a0 Iron Man and Thor teaming up on a girl?\u00a0 That\u2019d be crossing a billionaire fantasy and a mountain man fantasy.\u00a0 Billionaires and mountain men are natural enemies, like the squid and the whale.\u00a0 It\u2019s ludicrous.\u00a0 You fool!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0

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Hey,\u00a0I know; I know, and I hear you.\u00a0 It all doesn\u2019t make sense to me, either\u2013 but American Pie was about a teen having sex with a foodstuff and it spawned a franchise of about 6 or 7 movies.\u00a0 Things make less and less sense to me, generally, just because of getting old. I have no idea what a Snapchat is. But I think it\u2019s that very unlikeliness that will be the big draw for this hypothetical franchise\u2013 people will want to know, \u201cAren\u2019t mountain men and billionaires natural enemies?\u00a0 How would a woman ever be able to get them to not attack each other on sight, the way it is with a squid and a whale?\u00a0 And who will Noah Centineo play in this future franchise, the billionaire or the mountain man? Can he play both characters, like Michael Keaton in Multiplicity??\u00a0 Do we still have that kind of technology?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0

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And they\u2019ll pay good money to have those questions answered.\u00a0\u00a0

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Heck, I sure don\u2019t know how to answer them\u2013 I\u2019d be a rich man if I did.\u00a0 I\u2019d get to go sign up for Secret Tumblr, that only rich people get to be on\u2013 the tumblr that functions properly, and you\u2019re allowed to look at nipples.\u00a0 I just know I won\u2019t be the one to solve it. But call me a dreamer\u2013 I think that person\u2019s out there.\u00a0 And if they\u2019re reading this\u2013 get that money.\u00a0 Get that money!\u00a0And so on and so on and so forth.

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Brokeback Mountain was made as this big solemn Oscarbait thing (why else would Michelle Williams show her titties)

To make up for post-Puppy Episode Ellen being crap maybe

But underneath you could see the bones of a decent drugstore gay cowboy romance to schlick to

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