So like five days ago I realized I was in an up phase, but a particularly clean and fluffy one, tossing off a lot of confident perfect bon mots and not sweating over all-encompassing grand theories
And then on the third day I woke up with my sense of touch dimmed but my sight and sound hyperclarified and my chest buzzing, spent the day feeling like that 30-90 minutes after you take MDMA and in your stomach you feel it coming up but it\u2019s not there yet
Then could not sleep at all that night, and the next two nights only for 5 hours before I woke bolt upright
It\u2019s kind of a bother but honestly I enjoy it, looking back I realize I\u2019ve been doing it for a while (at age 13 I identified it as \u201cbloodlust\u201d, probably after the Warcraft II spell) and I get better at wielding it every time, I can invoke it at will by going fight-or-flight
Actually now thinking I\u2019ve always been kind of confrontational and I\u2019ve been aware I do better under stress than I\u2019d expect, I wonder if that\u2019s why I\u2019m like this, just more experienced in hyperarousal so I lean on it as strategy?
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