So like five days ago I realized I was in an up phase, but a particularly clean and fluffy one, tossing off a lot of confident perfect bon mots and not sweating over all-encompassing grand theories

And then on the third day I woke up with my sense of touch dimmed but my sight and sound hyperclarified and my chest buzzing, spent the day feeling like that 30-90 minutes after you take MDMA and in your stomach you feel it coming up but it’s not there yet

Then could not sleep at all that night, and the next two nights only for 5 hours before I woke bolt upright

It’s kind of a bother but honestly I enjoy it, looking back I realize I’ve been doing it for a while (at age 13 I identified it as “bloodlust”, probably after the Warcraft II spell) and I get better at wielding it every time, I can invoke it at will by going fight-or-flight

Actually now thinking I’ve always been kind of confrontational and I’ve been aware I do better under stress than I’d expect, I wonder if that’s why I’m like this, just more experienced in hyperarousal so I lean on it as strategy?