With the Kavanaugh nomination fight we\u2019re being reminded how openly exploitative \u201880s teen sex comedies were, full of nudity and what would now read as rape played for laughs!
But while young flesh may never have been as hot a commodity as the decade that saw top-line porn star Traci Lords revealed as 15 with a fake ID, and preteen sex symbol turned teen sex symbol Brooke Shields in her prime filming the \u201cincestuous sexual awakening\u201d movie Blue Lagoon naked, the \u201890s saw their fair share of adolescent sexuality, as the victorious young Pro- side of the Sexual Revolution inherited mainstream culture!
But with tumblr tots stumbling around scoffing that teenagers are MINORS, they\u2019re SEXLESS INNOCENT UNDERAGE MINORS, we\u2019ve obviously lost touch with the Miramax Age and need reminding, so check these out!
Aerosmith\u2019s Alicia Silverstone Trilogy \u2013 \u201cCryin\u201d, \u201cAmazing\u201d, \u201cCrazy\u201d (1993-1994)
When \u201870s groupie sex rockers Aerosmith looked to make a \u201890s comeback, they turned to the period\u2019s leading art form - the music video. The music was bluesy crap, so good thing they had sexy sixteen-year-old actress Alicia Silverstone for these three videos!
Cryin\u2019 \u2013 Tattoos, navel rings, flannel-clad teen suicide and bungee jumping! How \u201890s is that!
Amazing \u2013 A nerd uses video editing software to have VR motorcycle cybersex with the girl from the last video! How \u201890s is that!
Crazy \u2013 Catholic school girls playing hooky! Shoplifting! Stripping! Disrupting the farm economy! All with lesbian chic undertones! The other girl is lead singer/widemouth bass Steven Tyler\u2019s 16-year-old daughter Liv in her breakthrough role! How \u201890s is that!
Mallrats (1995) \u2013 At one point the protagonists meet Trish \u201cThe Dish\u201d Jones, a 15-year old representation of the transition from Kevin Smith\u2019s burnout 80s adolescence to the new neurotic professional-bound model \u2013 she fucks a lot of guys, but diligently records it for a book she\u2019s publishing (\u201cBoregasm: A Study of \u201890s Male Sexual Prowess\u201d) to feature on her college applications!
In the end this is how slacker Brodie beats the career-oriented-Ben-Affleck romantic rival who wants to steal his disaffected thus vulnerable girlfriend and fuck her in a very uncomfortable place: they interrupt a live filming of a dating show with the video of Ben Affleck having anal sex with her!
So he gets carted off for \u201cstatutory rape\u201d, as if Trish weren\u2019t the New Empowered Woman in control all along, serves him right for trying to play straight and uptight against the true \u201calternative\u201d culture! So he gets thrown in prison! To be raped in the ass! All coming after Silent Bob slapstick slams through a changing room wall and sees some titties, and the boys go to a topless three-nippled fortune teller!
American Beauty (1999) - In this middlebrow masterpiece, dissatisfied Kevin Spacey wants to fuck his daughter\u2019s cheerleader classmate, and has a famous fantasy sequence where rose petals fall on (and conveniently clump on) her naked body!
Meanwhile his daughter (Thora Birch)\u2019s boyfriend makes a high school art video about a plastic bag so moving that she shows him her tits from adjacent bedroom windows in a scene I KNOW that \u201cYou Belong With Me\u201d video director Roman White has seen!
Finally Kevin Spacey has a shot at the cheerleader and is like \u201cnah, this is about my midlife crisis and it\u2019s bullshit to put that on you\u201d, then his Marine Corps neighbor kills him for not being gay enough!
Slums of Beverly Hills (1998) \u2013 in this coming-of-age film about class and belonging, Natasha Lyonne is a fourteen-year-old on the seedy edges of incredible wealth, complicated by the fact she\u2019s horny as hell, just sprouted a huge pair of knockers, and it\u2019s California in the \u201870s!
Dazed and Confused (1993) \u2013That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.\u201d
In this Richard Linklater movie a boy comes of age by encountering the rougher side of 70s good-times youth culture, buffered by the easy, giving sexuality of teenage girls!
Almost Famous (2000, cut me a break) \u2013 \u201cLet\u2019s deflower the kid!\u201d
In this Richard Linklater movie a boy comes of age by encountering the rougher side of 70s good-times youth culture, buffered by the easy, giving sexuality of teenage girls!
American Pie (1999) - not only does it have Jason Biggs fucking a pie, band geek Alyson Hannigan losing her virginity talking dirty, and a \u201csecretly broadcast the exchange student as she changes\u201d bit that goes overboard when she starts masturbating, but also Stifler\u2019s Mom, the zipless Mrs. Robinson who introduced America to the term \u201cMILF\u201d!
The Virgin Suicides (1999) \u2013 adapted from an acclaimed novel, shot beautifully by Sofia Coppola and set to a diaphanous soundtrack by Air, this feature-length Lana Del Rey video sees three mid-70s teenage girls mess up a trio of teenage boys for life by killing themselves \u2018cause their parents don\u2019t want them to fuck!
Romeo + Juliet (1996) - the teens are less nude and explicit than the \u201868 Polanski version, but this contemporary-set, contemporary-scored, original-dialogue Shakespeare adaptation is just a really really good movie!
Calvin Klein Jeans campaign (1995) \u2013 they\u2019d gone to this well before with 1980 ads with Brooke Shields purring \u201cDo you know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing.\u201d (like panties!) but this mid-90s campaign used young models in an overexposed, wood-paneled basement responding to off-camera urging so as to evoke the aesthetics of child pornography, and were roundly protested by critics who apparently recognized the aesthetics of child pornography!
This was also the aesthetic of Fiona Apple\u2019s 1996 Criminal video. Several years later these ads graduated from college and became American Apparel!
BONUS: Ghost World (2001) \u2013 From a graphic novel by Daniel Klowes, who with Klosterman and Kunkel was a backbone of the 2000s Brooklyn literary scene that inspired Achewood before it degenerated into girlblogging, a story of two outsider girls who meet in art class back when outsider girls dressed like Daria or Janeane Garafalo, and start sexually grooming a skeevy older man (Steve Buscemi)!
Scarlett Johansson plays a girl who hasn\u2019t yet realized she\u2019s Scarlett Johansson \u2013 in every scene you\u2019re like \u201cfor a shirt that shows off what a great rack she has, it could show it off a lot better\u201d \u2013 but for the second time in this list Thora Birch gets more action!
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