me: ::busts open knuckle, bleeds all over the goddamned kitchen::
also me: hey you know what canonical metaphor we've never experienced?
me: 
also me: rubbing salt in a wound!
me: ::rubs in kosher salt::
also me: unimpressive. maybe finer grains?
me: ::looks at two different bougie-ass grinders of sea salt::
me : ::rubs in Lawry's Mediterranean Herb Seasoned Salt::
also me: aaah, that's the stuff