{"version": "1.0", "type": "rich", "title": "I\u2019m going through the Old Testament and I\u2019m going to rank all the men according to the PUA spectrum of maleness\n God - Alpha,...", "author_name": "kontextmaschine", "author_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "provider_name": "kontextmaschine", "provider_url": "https://kontextmaschine.com", "url": "https://kontextmaschine.com/post/126710135323/", "html": "<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http://realisenothing.tumblr.com/post/126703589454\" target=\"_blank\">realisenothing</a>:</p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>I\u2019m going through the Old Testament and I\u2019m going to rank all the men according to the PUA spectrum of maleness</p>\n<p>God - Alpha, he\u2019s the big cheese, the main man, everyone wants a slice of that pizza pie</p>\n<p>Adam - Alpha, hey he\u2019s naming everyone and he gets to sample the first sliz ever. nice</p>\n<p>Cain - Alpha, the gardening nearly makes him a beta but he brings it all back by murdering the fuck out of\u2026.</p>\n<p>Abel - Beta. Sure he\u2019s a shepherd and that\u2019s a rough job but uh, you got killed mate,</p>\n<p>Noah - Omega . henpecked. the only guy god chose to keep around because he wasn\u2019t sinning. wow, get a spine noah</p>\n<p>Abraham - Beta, was going to kill his only son, uh nice, where do you keep your tampons</p>\n<p>Isaac - Omega, the worst of the patriarchs, didn\u2019t even leave canaan, didn\u2019t change his name.\u00a0</p>\n<p>Jacob - Alpha, tricks his idiot dad into giving him the birthright, fights an angel, changes his name to Israel, still causing a ruckus 3000 years later</p>\n<p>Joseph - Beta, although he does have a PUA-approved coat, he gets sold into slavery and then doesn\u2019t even fuck pharoah\u2019s wife. dude what is your problem</p>\n<p>Moses - Alpha, kills a slave driver, talks to a bush that\u2019s on fire, delivers plagues, makes everyone drink gold. writes a book about himself where he says he\u2019s the\u00a0\u201cHumblest man who ever lived\u201d</p>\n<p>David - Alpha, kills a giant when he was a boy, sends a man off to die because he gets hard for his wife, gets a little gay with jonathan but he gets a pass</p>\n<p>Solomon - Beta, can\u2019t get a woman to convert to his religion, did build a very peacocky temple though.</p>\n<p>Job - Omega, literally gets COVERED IN FESTERING BOILS and still doesn\u2019t stand up for himself. Get a new religion when that stuff starts happening pal</p>\n<p>Daniel - Alpha, lions, dens, need I go on?</p>\n<p>Jonah - Beta, you gotta admire him standing up to god, but swallowed by a fish? uh, paging dr freud!</p>\n<p>Jesus - Alpha, he changed the game dog. Changed the fucking game. He died for our sins so that we may join him in the kingdom of heaven. give your life to the son of god today</p>\n</blockquote>"}