In the early ‘90s, before they hit on Cold-Eeze, the family across the street was trying to get into the then-booming energy bar business. Part of this involved giving us a big cardboard box containing one of every competitor on the market and asking for our feedback. So I’ve eaten a lot worse in my day.

Inevitably, the ones that were actually nutritious tasted terrible, the ones that tasted good weren’t actually nutritious. Which is why the industry leader today, Clif, basically makes chocolate bars rendered virtuous because the wrapper is an unglossy paper bag color with pictures of people performing outdoorsmanship.

But hell, chocolate bars were the original nutrition bar, back in the pre-Green Revolution days when raw caloric deficit was the major bottleneck. Those grateful kids being tossed Hershey bars by American GIs in occupied Europe weren’t being grateful for a tasty dessert treat, they were being grateful for raw calories in famine.