shrine to the prophet of americana

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Well, even as bad as it got yesterday with anxiety attacks inflicting, ah, let's say psychic damage, the basic mood effects were...

Well, even as bad as it got yesterday with anxiety attacks inflicting, ah, let’s say psychic damage, the basic mood effects were still normal, not disordered anxiety, just VERY.

And so my mind’s turning to Portland, with my more balanced projective/evaluative sense. And what if it continues developing as a great city to live but just never particularly realizes the promise of the early 2010s.

Like, when I was first here it felt like most everyone in a bar was a potential friend and/or lover. Among the new crowd, who’s not suburban normie as I was fearing but still not really “keeping it weird”, there’s some promise if you go looking but like you have to look for them.

It really seems that the Portland I came to was filled with the quality people from other cities who looked around, saw that was no place for a quality life, and all came here for a personality-enriched environment.

Well, that and Oregonians who came through the 1980s collapse of the timber industry and much of the traditional… well, not “redneck”, but a PNW-equivalent small town and rural white outdoorsy good-time laboring class. And not just that group entire but a selection of the most “urbany” among that – the ones who left their collapsing hometowns in the woods for Portland and often food service, not the ones who left for other outdoors manual and vehicular work in oil fields or the service.

And they are not in fact making more people with memories of 1988, and even a purely equivalent “looking to get out of town as a 20-year-old prep cook”, economically I’m not sure that Portland would make sense as a destination even if it and his hometown elect the same governor.

Tagged: portlandportlandportland cascadia

Okay based on how I felt waking up before creatine today pretty sure I'm ready to go down to 4 scoops/day with the turn of the...

Okay based on how I felt waking up before creatine today pretty sure I’m ready to go down to 4 scoops/day with the turn of the month.

Hm, do still have some anxiety but seems yesterday was a nadir. Honestly think some of it was a hangover, I traditionally...

Hm, do still have some anxiety but seems yesterday was a nadir.

Honestly think some of it was a hangover, I traditionally calibrated my drinking with reference to reducing the felt experience of anxiety and so with it up (and being out of habit feeling anxiety at all) may have been overindulging to compensate

Tagged: anxiety returns

You're vomiting and full of anxiety and warm showers help? Bruh you might have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome.

Anonymous asked:

You're vomiting and full of anxiety and warm showers help? Bruh you might have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome.

kontextmaschine:

Huh! Well, cannabis has been known for its weird relationship with anxiety – the sudden onset alongside other anxiety symptoms seems poorly matched there but there might be some underlying similarities in mechanism.

Like, the shower didn’t make me less vomity, the urge vanished once my stomach was fully evacuated, it was that it made me less nervous and tense.

Tagged: anxiety returns

You're vomiting and full of anxiety and warm showers help? Bruh you might have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome.

Anonymous asked:

You're vomiting and full of anxiety and warm showers help? Bruh you might have cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome.

Huh! Well, cannabis has been known for its weird relationship with anxiety – the sudden onset alongside other anxiety symptoms seems poorly matched there but there might be some underlying similarities in mechanism.

Welp, if this doesn't send me to the hospital somehow later it's a lock for the worst I've ever felt without going to one. Maybe...

kontextmaschine:

Welp, if this doesn’t send me to the hospital somehow later it’s a lock for the worst I’ve ever felt without going to one. Maybe not physically though, a bunch of it is effectively spirit damage, though it sure isn’t spirit puke I’ve been throwing up periodically.

One nice thing puking made me sweaty and I was in the bathroom anyway and took a shower and unlike earlier when it was hot so I used cool water, standing under warm water really seems to help

Tagged: anxiety returns

Welp, if this doesn't send me to the hospital somehow later it's a lock for the worst I've ever felt without going to one. Maybe...

Welp, if this doesn’t send me to the hospital somehow later it’s a lock for the worst I’ve ever felt without going to one. Maybe not physically though, a bunch of it is effectively spirit damage, though it sure isn’t spirit puke I’ve been throwing up periodically.

Tagged: anxiety returns

Well, I had to downgrade my ambition to the very closest store, threw up in the parking lot, had a breakdown when I came home...

Well, I had to downgrade my ambition to the very closest store, threw up in the parking lot, had a breakdown when I came home and Badger wouldn’t stop meowing for food and had to go sit under the shower, but I didn’t have to get milk delivered.

Guys, I’m in a bad way rn, it’ll pass but I’m soliciting messages of support.

Tagged: anxiety returns

Oh, I'm getting anxiety attacks now, that's just atrocious.

Oh, I’m getting anxiety attacks now, that’s just atrocious.

Tagged: anxiety returns

Ugh, I know this is the mental illness positivity site, but this suuuuuuuuuucks

Ugh, I know this is the mental illness positivity site, but this suuuuuuuuuucks

Tagged: anxiety returns

Badger finally came to cuddle with and then meow me out of bed.

Badger finally came to cuddle with and then meow me out of bed.

Tagged: badger the cat

Woke up a good two hours ago and have just been failing to get out of bed since.

kontextmaschine:

Woke up a good two hours ago and have just been failing to get out of bed since.

This sucks, man, even if the anxiety’s not at disorder level it sucks having a mania channeled through.

Tagged: anxiety returns

Woke up a good two hours ago and have just been failing to get out of bed since.

Woke up a good two hours ago and have just been failing to get out of bed since.

Tagged: anxiety returns

St. Olav domkirke (1973) in Trondheim, Norway, by Per Kartvedt. Demolished in 2014.

germanpostwarmodern:

St. Olav domkirke (1973) in Trondheim, Norway, by Per Kartvedt. Demolished in 2014.

Learning how trees grow incidentally gives you several decades’ insight into architecture photos

Tagged: tree trimming

Had friends in high school that played Tribes, all I got was you could ski and aim mortars into their capture point if you knew...

Had friends in high school that played Tribes, all I got was you could ski and aim mortars into their capture point if you knew what they were doing.

Tagged: tribes

Seen people on Twitter like "my bestie had a trauma unlocking experience on MDMA!" and I think it's very important to focus on...

Seen people on Twitter like “my bestie had a trauma unlocking experience on MDMA!” and I think it’s very important to focus on the “empathogen” aspect here, like being on Ecstasy didn’t fix you, being fully exposed and processing the experience of tough situations under conditions of being physically unable to experience trauma helped you

So if I told you someone was using century-old hand-crafted artisanal methods to adapt traditional folk tales into a quaintly...

kontextmaschine:

So if I told you someone was using century-old hand-crafted artisanal methods to adapt traditional folk tales into a quaintly obsolete art form from the American Golden Age that would sound like the most twee, precious, non-normie thing ever and I just described Disney animation.

Disney’s pretty weird like that. Like, take the parks. They’re combinations of Coney Island and World’s Fairs with this undisguisable midcentury earnestness. These are places that get seriously psyched about the potential of novel transit modalities.

And the theming - “Let’s look forward to the wonderful future of space exploration, celebrate our roots in farm towns and the frontier west, AND enjoy the exotic charm of the South Pacific and Old Dixie!”

THERE IS A PAGEANT WHERE ROBOTS PAY TRIBUTE TO EXECUTIVE-DRIVEN WHIG HISTORY.

Oh. Oh. And. “The rides aren’t very thrilling, but your kids will love the chance to explore the worlds of all their favorite authors - A.A. Milne, J.M. Barrie, Kenneth Grahame, Mark Twain, AND Lewis Carroll - while you’ll marvel at the exquisite background design.”

(Sun-dappled Edwardian neoteny and obsessive set decoration. Wes Anderson makes movies like Walt Disney made parks.)

And we’d recognize this all as a weird thing to exist in 2015 if we weren’t just used to it as the background noise of America. Like, I don’t really watch TV so I don’t see commercials much these days.

Oh man, they’re a trip in their own right if you’ve stopped taking them for granted. Like, “oh hey, for the next 30 seconds some of our best artists are going to use all their techniques and leverage all your emotions and desires and every social value in a masterful, unapologetic, and unforgettable bid for you to give us money, and then everyone will move on and no one will acknowledge this even happened.”

But the Disney World commercials in particular - you notice they don’t really make a case for going to Disney World, or even really explain what Disney World is. Because they’re not pitching Disney World, they’re reminding you of Disney World. It’s not “hey, Disney World is a thing you could go to”, it’s “hey, maybe it’s time for this generation’s pilgrimage”.

Disney’s weird. It’s kind of a company, but also custodian of some of the cultic functions of American culture, something like the priestly colleges of ancient Rome.

Like, they maintain sites of pilgrimage. I’m not saying that as a joke. Back of the envelope calculation, Americans go to Disney parks at a rate 7 times higher than Muslims go to Mecca. (The line between “tourist trap” and “religious site” has always been thin.)

And they’re custodians of the national narrative. Like I’ve said, they pitch “continuity with prewar small town and earlier frontier culture” as a fundamental, almost taken-for-granted aspect of Americanness with a confidence and charm you don’t often see these days. And I mean, hell, the Disney animated canon itself basically is to America what Grimm’s was to Germany.

And as custodians, they curate that narrative - like, we joke about “you know your identity group’s made it in America when you get your own Disney princess”, and laugh at the people reediting Disney character designs to look like their specific subgroup, but that only works because it’s fucking true, your identity group’s made it in America when you get your own Disney princess. I’ve worked with Disney Channel casting, and they mix ethnicities with the same care, precision, and scale that Pfizer mixes drugs.

And that robot pageant, the Hall of Presidents? Look at this history. It started out in the ‘70s as a celebration of consensus history and popular triumph, with character actors playing great men and Civil War tensions understood as a challenge to national unity. In 1993 it was reworked by Eric Foner to be narrated by Maya Angelou, use “regular people” unknowns to portray more vulnerable takes on historic figures and re-frame the Civil War in terms of slavery as a moral challenge. In 2009 they redid it again, mostly keeping the changes but bringing back some of the old Hollywood charm and putting Morgan Freeman as the voice of civic authority.

And like, as a representation of how America understands itself and its history, correct. That is absolutely, in every way, 100% correct.

(In the other direction, Walt Disney originally wanted to call it “One Nation Under God”, which yikes)

They say American copyright terms keep getting extended under pressure from Disney who wants to keep hold of all their founding properties, I almost wonder if it wouldn’t be less of a corruption of the civic system to just carve out special protections for Disney in recognition of their distinct role in America.

But… at the end of the day, it’s all just a strategy to maximize profits.

I used to be a lot more libertarian than I am now, and one of their tribal boogiemen, the idea of a “Ministry of Culture” - a government that sees the national culture as its domain, to shape as it will, “as it will” meaning as it always does with governments “through the instrument of bureaucracy” - that still rankles.

But what’s the alternative, though? You think about it and you realize it’s this - the national mythos rests in the hands of a publicly traded corporation.

(And then you maybe start to appreciate WHY having your king as the head of your church once made sense as a symbol of liberty and self-determination.)

((And start to recall the CIA going around giving grants to the avant-garde with a certain fondness.))

We live in the capitalpunk AU.

Tagged: rerun

There should be dating apps for casually falling madly in love with mysterious strangers

garmbreak1:

official-kircheis:

evil-perfervid:

There should be dating apps for casually falling madly in love with mysterious strangers

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Tagged: it's social media

Now they're making it an issue if the Barbie movie acknowledges Aqua's Barbie Girl, as if the MCU was ever expected to...

Now they’re making it an issue if the Barbie movie acknowledges Aqua’s Barbie Girl, as if the MCU was ever expected to acknowledge Cartoon Heroes

The fundamental [tumblr] vs. Twitter thing is that Twitter treats replies and reblogs as creating a subforum about that...

The fundamental [tumblr] vs. Twitter thing is that Twitter treats replies and reblogs as creating a subforum about that particular post, and no bby what is you doing

Tagged: it's social media web 1.5 web 2.0