Pamphlets in plastic bags delivered to your doorstep: the favored medium of weird local racists AND e-commerce

Yeah I really appreciate that this whole experience started with me being totally depersonalized and playing the Yakuza games and internalizing Kazuma Kiryu as my model of assertive masculinity, that’s possibly the healthiest option I can think of.

Now that they’re all fully trimmed and growth won’t make problems worse, and I added good piles of mulch around the bases (with a layer of bark nuggets on top that will over years decay into the base for more bark nuggets), seeing huge returns on watering trees in terms of summer growth, though I’m sure the relatively cool and moist year helps.

Makes some bushes I’d been trying to trim tight real leggy, though, so hold off on that.

kontextmaschine:

Oh, well, all that pushing the (two-wheeled) garden barrow full of topsoil around has apparently worked out some lower back muscle I needed to redevelop, walking is at least 20% more effortless now.

Oh no it’s straightening at the knees, that was my biggest remaining issue, made standing up rough, I’d been trying to train it by taking this staircase in the park, but straightening them against the resistance of trying to push a cart full of topsoil up a slight slope was clutch

Oh man, suddenly getting flooded with testosterone is wild, isn’t it?

Awkward reminder that you can replicate this “muscle gain and masculine sensibility goes up -> you get randomly built out of nowhere” effect at home by taking anabolic steroids

Oh, well, all that pushing the (two-wheeled) garden barrow full of topsoil around has apparently worked out some lower back muscle I needed to redevelop, walking is at least 20% more effortless now.

I now have several torso muscles thick enough to massage (and need it to loosen up) like shoulders

So… I can do better?

Do you send this kind of stuff to people often, or am I a rare user you pay attention to outside a particular circle with particular sensibilities?

Okay, distributed another yard of topsoil, focusing on by where the fence is getting replaced on Wednesday, then took the mattock and got the rest of the lower backyard bamboo from the Yard Task Updates. Not in pain or sore anymore, but God I’m wiped.

kontextmaschine:

…this is all so fucking DUMB

like I’m not even supposed to be losing weight! I’m supposed to be losing a little but mostly being totally incapacitated for years! How the fuck do I turn that around with shit in my kitchen? That’s point-and-click adventure hint book shit. Fucking Willy Beamish-ass plague.

Also with the #kontextmaschine gets built stuff, I want to make clear this isn’t just a “oh you’re getting out and doing manual labor every day, of course you’re building muscles!” thing.

Like I am very sure at this point one of the Covid effects boosted my testosterone levels significantly. Testosterone can significantly increase the amount of muscle growth caused by a certain amount of exercise, this is the effect steroids mimic and why boys can gain so much muscle in puberty.

So like, the everyday use of my muscles in a way that would normally fend off entropy at best is now causing significant growth. The daily farmhand labor is getting me jacked.

This comes on top of the way the creatine treats that other symptom so I’d be losing huge amounts of weight just sitting on my ass pigging out, which is itself on top of the personality change stuff that has me going out after waking every day, really valuing the use and development of my body, and never eating between meals, as well as making me so charming I repeatedly seduced girls by accident before the weight loss even started to show up.

This is

CARTOONISH 🤡🤡🤡

Yeah, if plants aren’t right they get worse every year, in contrast most of the interior will eventually be totally replaced, so I’ve been prioritizing outside. I continue to progress on tidying Karafuto and when everything is at least correct place-adjacent I’m getting professional cleaners to do a deep clean.

Until then, witness my newest life-improving delivery from Amazon,

a USB-charged scrubber stick, w/head attachments not pictured, that’ll make it practical to give my floors a good go when my cleaning fluids arrive.

kontextmaschine:

Looking at my torso head-on in a mirror from top to bottom there’s no clearly defined start of the stomach, it’s all one plane starting out from the shoulderblades, you can look at the top and say “that’s chest” and at the bottom and say “that’s stomach”, but there’s no clearly defined point where it switches over.

Oh okay, today I noticed below my pecs some of the blemishing that indicates that there’s a section of skin just not being replaced anymore, and what has vanished is the skin that formed a crease there.

kontextmaschine:

kontextmaschine:

So one take-away from the personality change maybe making me unautistic is that the antonym of “ask culture” isn’t guess culture, they’re not (now I’m not) guessing, there really is some sort of interpersonal signal they’re (we’re) picking up.

But it’s not like an information-carrying signal, or at least one that gets delivered to the consciousness, it’s not like as if where before I’d be like “oh I want to make a romantic move but I don’t know the right moment” I pay attention to the signal and it tells me what the right moment is and so I can decide to do it then.

What it is is that being attuned to this signal, I will make that move at some point that happens to be the ideal moment, without ever having specifically considered and decided on that.

I dunno, maybe this is what instinct is? Whereas previously I had thought of it in terms of information (like “this is the moment”) arriving without any obvious source that would then serve as an input to the same conscious decisionmaking process?

Like I have no idea what the mechanism is here. Is it just checking for the most ideal moment I’m likely to get, or the first time I cross some threshold such as to expect it be well-received? Can I fake it into false starts with local maxima? To be determined.

Also one thing is like, the shit I do without volitional awareness seems to benefit from the normally conscious skills I’ve trained up, the thing is over three and a half decades in autistic mode the thing I trained up was making sense, so even the most batshit stuff I pull out of my ass will turn out to hang together in a logical sense?

All the “why don’t zoomers like e-mail? is really because as millennials growing up before computers we were the last being taught and trained to write letters, which is really an obsolete form now, modern forms of adult communication descend from the memo

…this is all so fucking DUMB

like I’m not even supposed to be losing weight! I’m supposed to be losing a little but mostly being totally incapacitated for years! How the fuck do I turn that around with shit in my kitchen? That’s point-and-click adventure hint book shit. Fucking Willy Beamish-ass plague.

vriskakinnieaynrand:

vriskakinnieaynrand:

kontextmaschine:

kontextmaschine:

So one take-away from the personality change maybe making me unautistic is that the antonym of “ask culture” isn’t guess culture, they’re not (now I’m not) guessing, there really is some sort of interpersonal signal they’re (we’re) picking up.

But it’s not like an information-carrying signal, or at least one that gets delivered to the consciousness, it’s not like as if where before I’d be like “oh I want to make a romantic move but I don’t know the right moment” I pay attention to the signal and it tells me what the right moment is and so I can decide to do it then.

What it is is that being attuned to this signal, I will make that move at some point that happens to be the ideal moment, without ever having specifically considered and decided on that.

I dunno, maybe this is what instinct is? Whereas previously I had thought of it in terms of information (like “this is the moment”) arriving without any obvious source that would then serve as an input to the same conscious decisionmaking process?

I guess I’d say it’s like driving an automatic transmission – you’re absolutely still the driver, but there’s a bunch of stuff you used to have to do manually – choosing to execute a particular maneuver at a particular time – that the mechanism now takes care of itself.

A difference being that I like stick shifts because direct control lets me shift at useful times the mechanism wouldn’t pick up on – engine braking, downshifting into turns or to pass – but the automatic mechanism here seems to shift me usefully in situations I’d have no clue what to do with myself.

for me it’s the difference between improvising on an instrument and trying to consciously think about where the notes should go, with my dysfunction being an overreliance on the ‘should’ (and total lack of interest in most people under most conditions, bc under most conditions i’m masking, which you can’t improvise with)

nerd subcultures where it’s common to “not have social skills” in an autistic way are, ime, dominated by people groomed practically from birth by the cold war gifted education-industrial complex for middling STEM positions, which grooming involves inculcating the exact type of timid, authoritarian-follower, compute-for-someone-else state of mind that can’t improvise. krummholzing people into office job shapes

Yeah I remember a classmate whose dad had been skipped ahead two grades For The Cold War, when I showed up in the '80s the gifted programs were still Jonathan Livingston Seagull '70s idealistic, but by middle school in the '90s they were already a mix of Actually Bright, Dad Owns a Dealership, and Both Parents are Nervous College Graduates. No actively stupid ones from the latter two.

Few more months and my face is gonna be as thin as I’ve been understanding it this whole time

bearie:

our time is limited and beautiful and wonderful not unlike a katamari level

Local burger chain that’s like, the local burger chain (before the burger-and-beer-to-go one Hooters bought out!)

[“Hooters” is an operation specializing in taking food service concepts to scale, that’s just their recognizable success]

with a sticker on their drive-thru window awkwardly explaining how their local supplier puts trace amounts of sesame seed in the buns now