expertcosmotips:

is your man a dog lover? walk his dog to show you care about it. then keep walking. don’t return. you are now the proud owner of an adorable dog

Portland’s weird, politically speaking. Before I came I’d always heard of it as super-liberal. But that’s not quite right, it’s progressive as in Era - distrust of electioneering in favor of a weirdly functional libertarian technocratic welfare state, rule by white men with advanced degrees in a learned - which is not to say academic - tone, citizen input welcome on the condition that they uplift themselves to match. Very big on public services but absolutely committed to holding to budget, all the “right” social stances but I have never seen a culture so unapologetically tailored to well-educated straight male northern european small business owners.

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who’s on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

Ron Funches (via lazybookreviews)

this explains a lot about parenting. 

(via hobbitdragon)

It kind of does.

(via tygermama)

memejacker:

sure is a warm day better cool off by fucking an onahole

skullgreymom:

[Thomas] Culpeper was able to provide his services for free. This, and a willingness to examine patients in person rather than simply examining their urine (in his opinion, “as much piss as the Thames might hold” did not help in diagnosis), 

The colorful American nutritional reformers of the late 19th and early 20th century like Kellogg and Graham look a little quacky from today but it should be remembered that they were at the time on the cutting edge - the very concept of vitamins, nutrients, and even calories were being pioneered, and the notion of matching specific ailments to specific deficiencies - or contrariwise, health to particular - was revolutionary. Nutrition was high tech and you see echoes of this golden age in pop culture still - the notion of spinach making Popeye super-strong, or even the atompunk meal-in-a-pill.

For reasons of settlement patterns, Americans had always enjoyed a much higher share of meat - and lower of greens - in their diet than Europeans, and this high-protein, low-fiber diet did in fact contribute to widespread problems of digestion to which bran and enemas, the nutritionists’ panaceas, were actually reasonable responses.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is that when Kellogg first set up operations he had people mail him stool samples to diagnose, until the Battle Creek postmaster got tired of working in an unrefrigerated office full of human shit.

wimplo:

seabasedgod:

FUCKING HARDCORE

this is so god damn cool

slaughterhouse90210:

“When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Lightning

baseballcardvandals:

class dismissed.

monetizeyourcat:

smallgovernment:

advertising is fascinating and I hate it in that shitty “corporate drones turning us into zombies” way, which sounds like something right out of fight club and so I hate myself for hating it for that childish and condescending reason but holy shit let’s talk about advertising 

the thing is though that it doesn’t turn us into zombies, advertising works by emotionally arousing us and making us feel. it’s actually the opposite of being turned into zombies and if we ever feel that way it’s because the hyperstimulation of advertising has made real life seem hollow and empty and false, and also exhausted us and made relating to how we spontaneously react to real emotive stimulus seem strange and wrong

fuckyeahbaywatch:

Everyone hates Stephanie

boywitch:

baby I promise ive changed, I promise I dont carry all those rats around with me anymore, I pro- *dozens and dozens of rats scurry out of my pants leg and pockets* *the room slowly begins to fill with rats* baby im sorry

barthel:

CHVRCHES - We Sink (The Bones of What You Believe, 2013)

Good lord but I’m a sucker for songs that sound like the end credits of a movie about young people going through a very difficult period in their lives but then coming out the other side satisfied, calm, resolved, hopeful; they roll the windows down and drive through a brightly-lit city late at night.

softoogami:

found a Nice Guy? dont friendzone him. end zone him. throw him on the ground like an effing football. touchdown

rjinswand:

this rules