Smearballs - SEXTAPE “The View” remix

Reminds me of Evolution Control Committee’s classic “Rocked By Rape”.

Someone on facebook a while ago mused about how wrestling was the only sport to become vaudeville performance but then she remembered the Harlem Globetrotters. I pointed out roller derby’s gone back and forth.

And the funny thing is it’s a well-known trope, even a cliche, that boxing matches sometimes have predecided outcomes and are conducted to fit a narrative. But that feels different, reeks more of violation. Why? Is it just because boxing is gambled on?

Paul Elstak - Rainbow in the Sky

It’s weird that pinball is a recreational activity that is themed around other recreational activities. I’ve played pinball tables based on

soccer
basketball
skydiving
whitewater rafting
stock car racing
laser tag
Formula 1 racing
roller derby
poker
boxing
surfing
motocross
amusement parks
the circus

- and at least know of ones themed around -

baseball
hockey
bowling

Which is to say nothing of pinball tables themed after movies or TV shows that you sit down to watch

(and I mean how many video games are there based on all of these plus

shooting people)

Trixxy - Sunrize

Why yes, that is Tubular Bells sampled there. Did you know Richard Branson’s entire Virgin empire can be traced back to the profits from Tubular Bells? He named one of the Virgin planes Tubular Belle in honor, which is one of the many reasons Richard Branson is awesome.

I’m reading this article on weird tie-in merchandise, and the Thor barbell/alarm clock makes me think … a barbell alarm clock with some sort of internal gyroscope and accelerometer that wouldn’t turn off until you did a certain number of reps would be a pretty cool invention.

I’m not worried about you ripping off my idea, go ahead. If there’s one thing I learned from reading Popular Mechanics as a kid it’s that every ridiculous idea for an alarm clock was already patented by 1953 at the latest and no one wants to buy them anyway.

artificialmagpies:

“Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose.”

Excerpt from Yesterday’s Tomorrows: past visions of the American future, by Joseph J. Corn and Brian Horrigan; Summit Books (1984), page 83. The actual item is from a 1950 issue of Popular Mechanics.

Wow, I just read an essay that was talking to me more than anything than, well I guess since that Molly Lambert essay that was literally directed at me, or since I discovered Gabriele d'Annunzio. Or Nietzsche in senior seminar, or Rand back in middle school.

Which: hilarious, because it’s basically every internet liberal’s “why Ayn Rand is so popular, terrible” essay, only ten times better and more insightful.

Written by Trotsky, about Nietzsche, in 1900.

Bourgeois society has elaborated certain moral and juridical codes that it is strictly forbidden to transgress. Since it likes to exploit others, the bourgeoisie doesn’t like to be exploited. But the Uebermensch of all kinds grow fat dipping into the bourgeois funds of surplus value, i.e., they live directly at the expense of the bourgeoisie. It goes without saying that they can’t place themselves under the protection of its ethical laws. Consequently, they must create moral principles corresponding to their way of life.

Okay and know what tops it? The last two paragraphs before the conclusion are “Oh, yeah, Gabriele d'Annunzio? Watch out for that guy.” This in 1900, a full two decades before he took Italy into war and then conquered Fiume by himself and basically was so awesome his fanclub became a movement (they called it fascism).

Force & Styles - Shining Down (Brisk remix)

So the other day I had a dream where I was training a bunch of people into warriors, but the only weapons we had were red fire axes, and I was up in front and I made up a song for people to time their practice swings with, it went:

hack, hack ‘em with an axe

axe, axe, axe attack

and it was such a good axe-swinging song and I was so proud of it that I remembered it even when I woke up to pee and fell back asleep

DD Zion - Blue Sky Day

For how short this song is, it’s got an amazing number of memorable moments and samples.

Back in the day on the US happycore listserve, this was one of the two great vinyl envy objects, the other being Seb’s Rainbow Islands, which I’ll drop on you in a few months.

(If there’s another thing I learned from reading Popular Mechanics as a kid, it’s that it’s actually quite possible to build a flying car, people have been doing it since the ‘40s, but they’re inevitably worse cars than dedicated cars, worse planes than dedicated planes, and cost more than one of each put together.)

It’s weird now that I have long hair I am visibly shedding everywhere

was I invisibly shedding everywhere when I had short hair?

billyjane:

It’s spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you’ve got it, you want - oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!  Mark Twain

A group of women dancing in the open air,1924

Force & Styles - 12 Midnight (Bang! remix)

fagotron:

je    sus
fu   c k     i ng chris
t how
do e       s    thi   s
t   ype   w
r i    t         er
w   o r              k

-e.e. cummings 

QFX - Every Time You Touch Me (Seduction & DNA remix)

I didn’t even know this was a remix until I looked it up just now. Not too far from the Eurodance original, actually. Take a look at the… the everything on this Top of The Pops performance from 1996.

anonymouse

Shit so this was supposed to be a tumblr about history and kontext, right? What’s all this happy hardcore crap?

Q: What is the Nihau Incident?

A: It’s what your American history books don’t tell you about when they get to Japanese internment in WWII and you’re all invited to have a sad.

Q: Aight, what was the Nihau Incident?

A: Aight. So Hawaii, yeah? And Pearl Harbor, yeah? Okay, so a Mitsubishi Zero coming off that all shot up. Can’t make it back, so he crashes on the tiny, westernmost Hawaiian island, called Nihau. (The official Japanese crashing island. Truefax.)

Which was entirely owned by this one sugar fortune heir, and administered as a cultural reserve for native Hawaiian ways of life, because that’s what happens when WASPs go native. (Basically all the real estate in Hawaii was owned by sugar and fruit barons or Hawaiian royal descendants until reforms in I think like the mid-90s?)

Anyway so the pilot crashes in a field, like, next to this Hawaiian dude and while he’s still dazed the Hawaiian dude takes his papers and gun. The dude doesn’t know about the attack but knows Japan and the US are tense so he’s still like “WTF is this?”

So he gets all his Hawaiian buddies together to deal with this, except the only language they have in common with the pilot is “terrible English” and they’re like “what did he say?”

So they send for one of the Japanese guys on the island. Once Captain Cook discovered Hawaii in the middle of the Pacific, basically everyone settled it.

So they track down this Japanese guy and bring him in, and the pilot and him have words and he goes white and walks out.

And the Hawaiians are like “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

So they go to get the other Japanese guy. (There are only like 150 people on this island.)

And the other Japanese guy shows up, and him and the pilot talk. And the Japanese guy turns to the Hawaiians and doesn’t mention Pearl Harbor, but he’s like “hmm, I really think you should give this guy his stuff back”. And the Hawaiians are like “pf no”.

So later the Hawaiians are listening to the radio and they hear news of the attack and they’re like “Oh, ok. Better guard this dude.” Because they’re expecting the island’s owner to show up on his regular route and they can ship him back, only the Navy has boats on lockdown while it tries to figure out how and why and where there was a war all of a sudden.

So they’re guarding him, in the house of one of the Japanese dudes from before. Except I guess they’re not guarding him very well, because the Japanese dudes (helped by the one dude’s Japanese wife) get together and get all the guns (actually both the guns, a shotgun and a pistol) and take over.

It’s kind of a comedy of errors, though, because when they come for the original Hawaiian dude with the papers he’s in the outhouse and manages to run away and secure them. He’s like “I gotta go get help!” But Nihau to Kauai, the closest island, is like 20 miles at the narrowest, and this was a Hawaiian traditional culture preserve, so there were no motorboats on the island.

The thing is, the one thing traditional Hawaiians are super especially good at is open-sea rowing. So just after midnight he gets his Hawaiian friends in a boat and they row

FOR TEN HOURS

to get help.

Meanwhile on Nihau the pilot really wants to find the Hawaiian dude, so he gets this other Hawaiian bro and is like “go find the dude”. And the bro knows the dude’s rowing for help, so he’s like “alright, whatever, pf”. And then the pilot’s like “no seriously, find this dude right now or I’ll kill you all”. And he’s there with one of the other Japanese guys, and they have both the guns.

So at one point the pilot hands the shotgun to the other Japanese guy, and the Hawaiian bro charges him. The pilot pulls out his pistol and shoots the Hawaiian bro three times, and then the Hawaiian bro picks him up

and throws him

INTO A WALL

(and then his wife bashes the pilot’s head in with a rock)

((and then he cuts the pilot’s throat))

(((overkill kinda, but the pilot had really been a dick)))

The other Japanese guy got the shotgun and killed himself with it, which wasn’t particularly useful, but the Japanese were hardcore like that back then.

This is of course entirely on the word of the survivors of that room, so.

And when the rowing dude came back with backup the next day, all that was waiting for them were two corpses, one Japanese guy, and the other guy’s widow. (The pilot torched the plane when he got free.)

And so going into World War II, that’s what was on the minds of all the American defense planners, that the very first time Japanese on American territory - two nisei and a long-term resident issei - had a chance, every single one of them acted - violently and to the death when challenged - for the Japanese empire, against the United States.

So there’s that.